Should You Use Technology to Catch a Cheating Spouse?

(April 25) -- It is becoming easier for suspicious spouses to spy on their mates. People no longer need a high-profile private eye when all the necessary tools can be found with a few clicks of a mouse. These devices are affordable and easy to use, and they can quickly bring answers.

Of course, the technology also can lead to ethical, moral and even legal problems.

Dr. Larry Barlow, executive director of the Florida Division of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, says infidelity occurs in about 50 percent of marriages. He thinks spying is fairly common.

"Many of them will turn to some sort of technology, such as cell phones or computers, where others will go to more complicated things like voice-activated recording devices," Barlow says.

Here's a look at the technology and some of the issues:

Spyware

One of the more advanced methods couples are turning to is keystroke loggers -- software that is capable of recording the keystrokes someone makes on a computer and either saving it to a secret location on a hard drive or e-mailing it to the installer. Some of these programs are also capable of taking screen shots of the user's activity. The technology, commonly referred to as "spyware," has been around for some time, but it is becoming mainstream among parents who want to watch over their children and spouses who want to monitor a partner's Internet activity.

"We see a lot of spyware, and we see a lot of people come in and suspect spyware," says Steven M. Abrams, an attorney and chief computer forensics examiner at Abrams Forensics. "Generally, it is because they are in a divorce or some other domestic relations matter with their spouse."

According to Abrams, the spyware is fairly simple to install and can be done in a variety of ways.

"Depending on the type you have, you can either download it onto the computer, if you have physical access to it, or you can attach it to an e-mail and send that e-mail to your spouse. When they open the e-mail, it will then automatically install the spyware on the computer," Abrams says.

And what of the anti-virus protection we all value?

"Most of them won't catch it, especially if they are using a spy program such as eBlaster," Abrams says. "That is a really invasive program, but it can be removed just as easy by someone sending you another e-mail. It can contain some predetermined character sequence in the subject line, and they don't even have to open it because as soon as it gets received on that computer, it pretty much erases itself."

He says he once worked a case in which a husband secretly installed eBlaster on his wife's computer during their divorce proceedings.

"He was able to watch all the correspondence between her and her attorney," Abrams says. "The wife eventually found out because they were using AOL as their e-mail service, and when she went into the master account, she found all the e-mails from her attorney there and couldn't figure out why. She looked a little deeper and discovered the husband was using the master account as a place where eBlaster was sending all the activity reports."

Had the husband not been using their AOL account to have the messages sent, Abrams says the wife probably would never have been the wiser.

Cell Phones

Another technology that is experiencing the expanded use of spyware is cell phones. A quick Google search reveals many brands of software that allow people to put spyware on a multitude of devices, including the BlackBerry and the iPhone.

"It will allow them to intercept e-mail, text messages, and some even let you listen to the conversations as they happen live on the phone or record the conversation and send it to you later," Abrams says. "I am a certified mobile device examiner, and I can tell you it is very difficult to find on a phone. Part of the problem is since it is so new, there really aren't programs out there to aid in the detection of it."

People can look at their cell phone bills to determine whether a phone is infected, Abrams says.

"Most spyware on the phone sends its data to whoever is listening or watching, using text messages, so if someone has a huge increase in their text messaging for no explainable reason, that is one indication there might be spyware on the phone," he says.

Is It Legal, and How Do You Get Rid of It?

"Depending on how it is used, it could constitute a violation of wiretap laws," Abrams says. "Enforcement varies by state, but I know where I am, in South Carolina, the state attorney has always held the position that they were not going to get in the middle of a spousal situation and bring charges against a spouse, but certainly if a private investigator or attorney was involved, charges would be brought against them."

Most anti-virus programs are unable to detect many forms of spyware. Those who suspect it was installed on a device they own can acquire special programs designed to root it out; however, in cases involving a domestic situation, Abrams says people should take their computers to a trained technician.

"In a case like that, you could have the technician clear the computer, but then you are destroying the evidence of a possible crime," Abrams says. "The safest bet is to turn the computer off, notify the court and get a different computer until the litigation is complete. Once that occurs, you can do whatever you want with the infected computer."

E-Mail Snooping

You don't always need high-tech methods to read your significant other's e-mail. Abrams says it is all too common for people to forget to log out, or they choose a common password.

Retrevo.com, a consumer electronics shopping and review site, recently polled 1,000 U.S. residents of varying age, gender, income and location to see whether they have ever spied on their significant other's e-mail. The results showed that 38 percent of those under 25 who are in a dating relationship have "snooped." Ten percent of the spies in that age group discovered the other person was unfaithful.

Retrevo's study found that 36 percent of people in committed relationships have spied on a partner's e-mail and call logs. Of those, only 3 percent found incriminating evidence.

As easy and common as it may be for people to access someone else's e-mail, Abrams says they could end up in hot water for doing so.

"I had a case where a husband was having an affair and was using his e-mail account for it," he says. "The wife was able to get the password, and she logged in and was reading the e-mails between the husband and his paramour. She then gave the e-mails to her attorney, and the attorney took them into court and used them against the husband."

Following the divorce, Abrams says the husband sued his ex-wife and her attorney for violating the Electronic Communications Privacy Act. The suit was later settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.

Other Methods

Other methods of spying that seem to border on stalking include the use of motion-activated cameras, voice-activated recorders and GPS tracking devices.

But the GPS devices can be perfectly legal.

"We see a lot of situations now where spouses will place a GPS unit on their spouse's car and watch where they go," Abrams says. "You can watch it on the Internet, in real time, on a map and see their car moving."

GPS tracking is not illegal, Abrams says, if it is done correctly.

"If it is a newer GPS unit that attaches magnetically on the vehicle, entirely outside the vehicle, and the vehicle was in a public place when you placed it, then you haven't broken any laws," he said. "You basically have no expectation of privacy on the outside of your car in a public place, so as long as they are not getting into the engine compartment or into the car itself and they haven't altered the vehicle in any way, it is completely legal.

"If you look at Title III of the wiretap statutes, they specifically exempt tracking devices from being wiretaps."

Abrams says GPS tracking devices are fairly inexpensive -- less than $500 -- and can have a battery life of up to one week.

"You can also set them up so that you will get notified if the car moves out of a fixed location," he adds. "You can assign a radius, so when the GPS unit leaves that radius, you get a page or a cell call so you know the person has left."

Is It Necessary?

Before you purchase a gadget to spy on your mate, you may want to give it some serious thought. If you do so and find nothing, you just placed yourself in a situation where you are now the one who has something to hide, Dr. Barlow warns.

"If you know your partner, then you have a pretty good sense if they are hiding something from you," Barlow says. "You don't need to use technology to spy on them. Look for other signs -- a shift in the relationship, unusual behavior, sudden communication problems and things of that nature."

If you've already observed unusual behaviors in your significant other, Barlow says it's best to address the matter head-on.

"Sit down with them and talk about it," he advises. "Don't lose your cool, and say, 'Hey, I have noticed changes in the relationship. I don't know what is going on, but I have seen these behavioral patterns.' Even if the person denies it, and frequently they will, if you just keep bringing it to their attention, it will usually come out."

In the end, people "want to tell," Barlow says. "I can't tell you how many times people say, 'Gosh, it was such a relief when I was discovered.' "