Tornadoes Strike Oklahoma
Oklahoma Senators Face Difficult Options On Disaster Relief
I was in the Philadelphia/New Jersey area this weekend covering a three-night independent pro wrestling tournament so I missed out on a lot of big stories in the world of baseball. The most important one is the downturn of attendance this season, to which I say "more mascot birthday parties" and consider that taken care of. After that, the most important thing is a pitcher getting hit in the face by a line drive, but he plays for the Pirates, so he'll be getting symbolically hit in the face with a baseball for the rest of the season. After that, the most important thing is Alex Rodriguez not observing a rule of baseball etiquette and getting browbeaten about it for a couple of days. At the risk of walking right into a wall of Yankees fans who don't like jokes, that sounds like where we need to pick back up. Because that is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Today's Dugout follows.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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BradenMyHair: oh my god come on, you have got to be the slowest person of all time |
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ster_rod: ZIP JOOR LIP HONEY, aRAH IS TRYING TO SCORE WITHOUT ACCIDENTALLY GETTING A JANGA |
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BradenMyHair: wait, how do you think we're playing this |
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ster_rod: /taps end of Jenga block with fingertip for several seconds /readjusts self in chair |
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ster_rod: /taps opposite end of same Jenga block with fingertip for several seconds |
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BradenMyHair: listen, I don't care if my grandmother is playing Jenga this slowly, she's going to hear about it, period. Exclamation point. Next sentence! |
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BradenMyHair: but seriously could you please f**king hurry up with the Jenga |
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ster_rod: KEEP YOUR PANTS OFF I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN |
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ster_rod: /tap tap tap tap tap, tap tap tap, readjust |
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BradenMyHair: okay how about a joke: knock knock |
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ster_rod: HOOSE THERE |
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BradenMyHair: dallas braden and i'm gonna knock your brains out |
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ster_rod: DALLAS BRADEN AND I'M GONNA KNOCK JOOR BRAINS OUT WHO |
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ster_rod: OKAY HERE FINE /pulls out Jenga block |
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BradenMyHair: excuse me what do you think you're doing |
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ster_rod: PLAYINGK JANGA WITH A GUY WITH A MELDTING HEAD |
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BradenMyHair: Jenga is an extremely classy game, the best I could find in our Target, so you should probably take note from your captain and realize you can't use your other hand to steady the tower |
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ster_rod: I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT IN MY CAREER |
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BradenMyHair: frankly i am dumbfounded that someone of your status would let that slip his mind |
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BradenMyHair: what I am just trying to convey to you is that when you're playing MY Jenga game in MY house you will not Jenga with two hands |
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ster_rod: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKINGK ABOUT |
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BradenMyHair: I'm not even a speck on your radar, but I bet after today you won't put a second hand on the Jenga tower to keep it from falling over |
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BradenMyHair: You're too busy tasting yourself to apologize! |
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ster_rod: TASTDING MYSELF |
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BradenMyHair: i am hereby making myself a martyr for all the men who played Jenga so gracefully in the 1950s and would be spinning over and I can only assume knocking over their Jengas if they heard about you doing this to me |
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BradenMyHair: this is a pearsonal issue and it will not stand |
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ster_rod: /makes universal "what the hell" hand gesture |
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GirardiAndCola: Okay Dallas, you feeling better now? Got it all out of your system? |
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BradenMyHair: almost, I feel something welling up inside of me |
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BradenMyHair: YOU ARE JUST LIKE HITLER |
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BradenMyHair: okay now I'm done |
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GirardiAndCola: good, congratulations on now complaining at length about the two least important things in the universe |
| **Online Host** TeixMeix has come barreling into the chatroom. |
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TeixMeix: REEEEEARRRRGHHHH /crashes into table shoulder first, sending wooden blocks flying everywhere |
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ster_rod: JANGA, I WIN! |
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