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(April 28) -- Maybe it's the heat. The dry heat. Let's face it, the state is a sauna.
Maybe that's why Arizona (a) has a birther bill that would force President Barack Obama to produce a birth certificate before he can be placed on the ballot when he runs for re-election; (b) is now the third state where you can carry concealed weapons without a permit; and (c) has a new law that allows law enforcement to stop anyone on suspicion of being in the country illegally.
Arizona is also the state that brought us Barry Goldwater, who everyone thought was crazy at the time, but who, it turns out, was much more normal than today's right-wing conservatives. Except for that joke he once did about lobbing a bomb into the men's room at the Kremlin, which made Americans a little nervous about his trigger finger. But Goldwater was his own man, once endorsed a Democrat for Congress and was for abortion and gay rights.
Arizona has also brought us John McCain, who brought us Sarah Palin. So we can thank Arizona for her too.
But these recent events are only the tip of the iceberg for the craziness that is Arizona. There are some laws on the books there that make the ones referenced above look sane. For example:
* In Mohave County, if you're caught stealing soap, you must wash yourself with it until it's all used up. It would be much more reasonable if you could wash out the mouth of anyone who passed these laws.
* In Tombstone, it's illegal for any man or woman to have more than one missing tooth visible when smiling. Must be a dentists' lobby.
* Statewide, you can get 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. The Saguaro cactus, treasured by Arizonians, has been endangered by those who find pleasure in shooting or cutting down cacti. Thus, a law was passed to protect the cactus.
* If you commit a misdemeanor while wearing a red mask, it's considered a felony. Of course, wearing a red mask under any circumstances should be punishable.
* When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, it's against the law to use a weapon other than the one the other person uses. This means that in the case of the people who came up with the new immigration law, you can't use a sharp mind.
* And to show how kind the people of Arizona are, it's illegal to refuse a person a glass of water. So when they stop people for looking suspiciously un-American, it's comforting to know that before the Immigration and Customs Enforcement people are called and undocumented workers are kicked back to Mexico, they'll be blissfully liquefied.
Hey, under this new law, if you're stopped on the street and asked to produce proof of where you were born, maybe the last place you'll want to admit to is Arizona.
Alan Colmes is host of the syndicated "Alan Colmes Show," a contributor to Fox News and founder of Alan.com.
To submit an op-ed or letter to the editor, write to opinion@aolnews.com.
Opinion: What Is Up With Arizona?
Apr 28, 2010 – 12:47 PM
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