Maybe God Doesn't Want Cleveland to Win

CLEVELAND (May 14) -- The sun came up over the city today, but few people here likely noticed. And not just because of the lingering black clouds following a night of thunderstorms throughout the region that we call Northeast Ohio and many of you know as Loserville.

The Cleveland Cavaliers, No. 1 seed in the NBA playoffs, the team led by King James himself, suffered a defeat of biblical proportions, eliminated by the Boston Celtics in the sixth game of their second-round series.

So for the 46th consecutive year, we won't celebrate a championship, the unopened boxes of confetti and cases of champagne remaining piled high somewhere on the shores of Lake Erie. (I know the Indians season has barely begun and it's still 78 days until the Browns training camp even starts, but have you seen their rosters? Trust me, 2010 is history as far as sports here are concerned.)

One commenter on Cleveland.com summed up the feelings of so many of his long-suffering comrades. Only moments after the game ended, patarryo wrote:

"It's very simple. God hates Cleveland. I don't know why, but it's true. It's not enough that we have crappy weather. ... It's not enough that we are the butt of jokes that are older than the people telling them. It's not enough that our crime rates are soaring, that our housing market tanked and no one seems to notice. ... It's not enough that our generation has suffered more dramatic sports heartbreak than the entire nation has in the last 100 years. No. It's all not enough.

"We have the get basketball Jesus, who happens to be from next door in Akron, only to have him quit in the middle of our best chance for SOMETHING, ANYTHING positive to happen to our city, probably because he is on his way to someplace bigger and brighter. It is all so cruel. When does our suffering end?"

You have a feeling that this guy would have cheered for Pontius Pilate.

Yes, the fans are even turning on LeBron James, the wunderkind from St. Vincent-St. Mary High School, twice the league's most valuable player, leader of the U.S. Olympic Gold Medal team, co-star of Nike puppet commercials.

"Who can you blame?" Greg Dennis of Cleveland told The Plain Dealer after the loss. "You can't blame the fans. LeBron sold out."

Sold out as in scoring 27 points, grabbing 19 rebounds and passing for 10 assists in the final game against the Celtics? Or sold out as in Dennis, patarroyo and many other afflicted fans are certain that James already has decided that he will be heading to New York or somewhere else more livable than Cleveland when he becomes a free agent on July 1?

It was as if the chants Thursday night turned to, "Moving Vans, Please! Moving Vans, Please."

You have to understand that Cleveland fans measure their sports teams by their failures. They even have names for them. A quick primer of defeatism:

The Catch -- Willie Mays' running, over-the-shoulder grab of a blast by the Indians' Vic Wertz in the first game of the 1954 World Series, which Cleveland went on to lose four games to zip.

Red Right 88 -- Quarterback Brian Sipe throws an interception in the end zone after the coach calls play Red Right 88 instead of kicking a field goal that would have won the game, against the Oakland Raiders. That happened in the first round of 1981 NFL playoffs. By now, you'd think that pass cost the team the Super Bowl.

The Shot -- Michael Jordan makes a basket at the buzzer to eliminate the favored Cavaliers in the first-round of the 1989 NBA Playoffs. (See a pattern here.)

The Drive and the Fumble -- Two consecutive losses by the Browns in the AFC championship games to Denver in 1987 and '88. (At least we're getting closer to a really big game.)

The Mesa -- Reliever Jose Mesa gives up a two-out RBI single in the ninth inning of the seventh game of the 1997 World Series; the Indians lose in extra innings. (Finally, a game that actually cost the team a real title.)

Radio talk show host Stan Piatt of WNIR-FM near Akron called Thursday night's loss The Quit, noting how the Cavaliers just held the ball for the final seconds of their own defeat. He also played Union Station's "Man of Constant Sorrow" over and over during morning drive.

But enough about sports. Cleveland is so much more than that.

There are plenty of job opportunities here, especially after the openings created by the convictions of more than 20 politicians, contractors and other professionals in a two-year criminal investigation of the Cuyahoga County government. However, after all this time, federal agents still have not brought charges against the top two targets in the probe. Sounds like these FBI guys could play for a Cleveland sports team.

Homes are cheap. Mortgage fraud destroyed housing values here. The median sales price on the east side of Cleveland last year was around $6,000 -- about the same as a used Ford Escort. Except the car likely would have heat. And as you read this, you can go on eBay and buy a fixer-upper in Cleveland for $500 ... nope, make that $510.

We're also no longer the poorest city in America. We slipped to No. 2 behind Detroit last year. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Being No. 1 in anything can be a source of community pride.

I'm kidding, of course. Cleveland really doesn't need to define itself by sports. The region is blessed with one of the best orchestra's and art museums in America, Lake Erie and 33,000 acres of national parkland between Cleveland and Akron. The city's film festival this year attracted more than 70,000 movie fans. Nationally known chefs like Michael Symon and Zack Bruell have created a dining oasis in the Midwest.

Losing a basketball game, even losing LeBron James isn't going to affect any of that.

We'll survive just fine, with or without sunshine.

So when I say stick a fork in us, I mean in the kielbasa.

And if God loves a city like New York more than Cleveland, why does it have so much traffic?