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The Dugout: Angel Pagan Cannot Do Everything

May 20, 2010 – 2:40 PM
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Brandon Stroud

Brandon Stroud %BloggerTitle%

New York Mets center fielder Angel Pagan, pictured right, clearly identifies the person responsible for allowing him to somehow get an inside the park home run and a triple play in the same game but still lose. Playing for the Mets right now must feel like voting for Nader. No matter how much sense it makes, you are still just voting for Nader.

I was live at last night's Nats/Mets game, and I can't say I've ever seen a more miraculous performance out of a guy. The whole night was weird. The Presidents didn't race like normal, it was a relay race and it ended with Abraham Lincoln getting tackled by a guy in a cat costume. And there is an herb garden on top of the ground level concession stands. Why? None of the food there contain herbs.

Today's Dugout follows. I hope it makes a little more sense. And at the risk of asking every day, please become our friend on Facebook. I know we have to have as many fans as DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN YOU OUT OF ICE CREAM.

The Dugout

**Online Host**
Welcome to the New York Mets @ Washington Nationals May 19 2010 Chatroom!

InstructionManuel: This is a pretty nice stadium, guys!
DudleyDoWright: It sure is, it's just like Coors Field, only everything's off-center
InstructionManuel: did you hear about how Paula Deen is here tonight?

PrincipatoBlanco: oh man, Carlos Beltran is a huge fan of Paula Deen, he met her at a cooking show a few years back

she gave him a recipe for a cassarole calling for eight sticks of butter, a bottle of PAM cooking spray, and an entire ham

InstructionManuel: did he make it?
PrincipatoBlanco: yep, and he immediately went on the disabled list
**Online Host**
Oxymoron has entered the chatroom.
Oxymoron: Are you guys still doing the stadium tour? Come on, the Nationals have already started playing!
InstructionManuel: its just the nationals, relax
Oxymoron: The Nationals are in third place and we are in last.
InstructionManuel: Are they? Huh. Well what do you know. I don't really follow baseball. I'm more into football lately.
Oxymoron: okay, so like, do you want me to just...
InstructionManuel: just go out there and win if you can, but if you can't, don't worry about it
Oxymoron: okay /hits ball off center field fence, hauls ass around bases for an inside-the-park home run

Oxymoron: huff, huff

whew, anybody want to help me out here

ReyesAGoodMovie: sure i help
ReyesAGoodMovie: /grounds out to catcher
Oxymoron: Anybody else? David?
DudleyDoWright: Umm... nnnnah, I'm just gonna sit this one out.
InstructionManuel: will you calm the hell down, we've got turn of the century businessman R.A. Dickey on the mound tonight, he's gonna throw "the thing!"
Oxymoron: All he can do is throw "the thing," after a couple of "the things" we are going to be "the losers"
InstructionManuel: Watch, he's going to throw "The Thing!"
ResidentAssistantDickey: Heh, look out, Guzman! You have no idea what I'm about to throw next!
CaptainGurisma: is it going to be "the thing"
ResidentAssistantDickey: No!
ResidentAssistantDickey: /throws 'The Thing"
CaptainGurisma: /gets a triple
Oxymoron: Come on, guys, seriously
InstructionManuel: what is going to help the Mets more, you going out there and winning the game singlehandedly or coming to me with your problems and interrupting me in the middle of my sandwich from Steak of the Union
Oxymoron: gah /initiates triple play
Oxymoron: Okay, NOW is anybody going to help me? David?
DudleyDoWright: I can go up and strike out four times in a row if you think that would help.
ResidentAssistantDickey: I could try throwing "The Thing"
ReyesAGoodMovie: don worry evrybody, i will help
ReyesAGoodMovie: /taps ball with bat, falls helplessly to ground
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Filed under: Sports