Scientists have developed a numbing spray designed to be applied to the penis to keep overeager men from prematurely ejaculating.
You guys have no idea how many times I've seen the word "penis" prematurely ejaculated from my writing, or the term "ejaculation" stripped from these paragraphs by a man I've cursed under my breath as being a penis.
Of course, that's only out of anger. I don't really think he's a penis for ruining my ejaculations. And what's even more amazing is I completed a sentence using the words "penis" and "breath" without having them stricken -- a feat I was unable to accomplish in three other columns.
[Editor's Note: The feeling is likewise. But we love you despite your forays into self-exploration.]
My blind aunt will be very pleased when her text-to-speech program reads this to her. If you're reading this, Aunt Lee, I'm looking forward to the day science develops two-way video phones that will let me see you, auntie.
Anyway, Raza is studying to be a lawyer now. Thanks to therapy, he's been able to deal with being The "Star Wars" Kid. I don't know why the hell he needed therapy. He was awesome. Anyone that into what they love doing is awesome. Anyone making fun of them deserves a deadening spray sprayed on them, because they're ... Yeah, OK, I know it's going to get edited in this paragraph, so why even bother?