Georgia Dealing With Uga-ly Issue

Last season, thanks to the untimely passing of Uga VII (short for University of Georgia), the Bulldogs were forced to use a replacement bulldog, the unfortunately named Russ, because Uga VIII was not yet ready to assume the sideline doghouse.

The unfortunate and rapid passing of Uga VII, the William Henry Harrison of Bulldog mascots, left Russ as a stand-in on the sideline for Georgia Tech and the Independence Bowl against Texas A&M, both Georgia victories. (You can read my eulogy for Uga VII here.)

Now, another issue has arisen: Uga VIII won't be ready for the start of the season.

The reason? All of the candidates for Uga VIII, who must be lineal descendants of the recently deceased Uga VII, are still too young. Georgia, which has been known as the Bulldogs since 1920, did not institute an English bulldog mascot prowling the sideline until 1956. Since that time, the selection of the pooch has been as complex as the selection of the Pope.

After all, despite the fact that every Uga looks the same, there are detailed requirements. "You have to have at least two months before you can get a feel for the dog's stature, his bone structure," Sonny Seiler, the patriarch of the family responsible for breeding the Bulldogs, said.

Perhaps most cryptically, Seiler also told an Athens newspaper he planned to "look for mascot candidates from a litter due in three or four weeks." Which, of course, raises this question, how is Uga VII procreating from the grave? There's only one answer, right?

Yep, they store sperm from Ugas in the event of unexpected deaths.

They need to look into this with the royal family in England.

In some parts of the country, namely everywhere that is not the South, a belated introduction of a mascot would not be a big deal. But at Georgia, where the bulldogs are all buried in a mausoleum inside Sanford Stadium, the university president and the athletic director have already been notified that the ascension can't occur in time for the opening kickoff.

It's a crisis. (Or as they now call "crises" in the wake of the Willie Martinez era, "a pass play.")

As a result Uga VIII's introduction is tentatively scheduled for homecoming, October 16, against Vanderbilt.

But that is six full games into the season.

And some Bulldog fans are already asking an ominous question, can we really change the bulldog in midstream? Especially if Russ is 8-0 in his career as a stand-in?

Athletic Director Damon Evans doesn't want to be pinned down on the great debate.

When I asked him about it, Evans went directly to his talking points: "Russ is going to continue to fill in for us. And I have a lot of faith in the Seilers, the individuals who handle our mascots. Sonny (Seiler) knows what he's doing and he'll introduce his replacement at the appropriate time. We'll move forward and hopefully continue to win games," Evans said.

That's when I decided it was time to channel my inner Mike Wallace and press Evans on what would happen if the Bulldogs were 6-0 at the time of the proposed transition.

Could an undefeated Russ really be pulled off the field and replaced?

"At the end of the day," Evans said, "that's the plan."

But then Evans hedged his bet via a cliche, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he said.

Then Evans paused, contemplated deeply. "And let's hope he is (undefeated)."