Opinion: Abby Sunderland and the Art of Parenting

(June 14) -- And so she's been rescued and we all heave a sigh of relief. The image of a petite, blond, quite young Valley girl floating alone in the raucous depths of the Indian Ocean was far too much for the world collective of parents and siblings and a generally empathetic public to bear. So we cheer her rescue.

And wonder why she was out there in the first place.

I truly admire Abby Sunderland's courage and confidence. I imagine everyone does. Most 16-year-old girls I know are more concerned with surviving high school than the high seas. You gotta give her points for that.

There's something atypical and fairly incomprehensible about a young woman -- a child, really -- being willing to risk life and limb in a way far more authentically dangerous than a season on "Survivor" or "America's Next Top Model."

Wow, we say, what skills to have at such a young age! What confidence her parents must have to send her off without even a chase boat! Amazing! Enthralling! But fittingly, there's been considerable chatter on the topic, as clearly it's raised both the admiration -- and hackles -- of a lot of people.

Because it's crazy.

Many, many bold children have dreams beyond their years. Abby isn't alone in that. I know some of those kids. They want to travel the Middle East between sophomore and junior year of high school with backpacks and a blog. They want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to see if they'll get on a reality show. They want to leave home to drive cross-country by themselves so they can "experience life."

It's part of the primal urge of being a child: grow up fast, push against boundaries as early as possible, and rush into inevitable adulthood ahead of the line with, preferably, something dramatic to show for the effort. Like a world record. Or a book deal. That reality show (which I understand is now in the works). And maybe best of all? Beating your brother at the task. Good old sibling rivalry.

As a parent of a very feisty, independent teenager myself, I know the pull to give them free rein, especially when they're capable and smart. But that doesn't change the responsibility we have to keep them wisely safe, even from themselves sometimes.

Thoughtful parents are obligated to set logical boundaries that take into account youthful vulnerabilities, naivete and age-appropriate protections. Grown men with lifetimes of experience would think more than twice about making Abby Sunderland's journey alone, risking their lives and potentially the lives of others for a belt notch. I'm not sure how parents of a 16-year old girl sign off on that in good conscience.

We, as a community, a culture, have always taken steps to protect our young. At 16 they can only work a certain number of hours on a job, they can't drive with peers until they've had their license for a year, they can't vote, they can't sign up for the military, they have to abide by curfew, can't get into an R-rated movie, can't have sex with someone older without it being a crime. You catch my drift.

Some of that may seem stifling -- it certainly does to a lot of 16-year-olds -- but the point is, we set boundaries to take into account the not-quite-yet-developed brains and bodies of our children and offer them limitations -- sometimes at their great disdain -- to give them a better chance of survival into their adulthood.

There seems to be some politically correct group-speak about "let your child pursue his dream!!" as if any boundary on that goal is narrow-minded or crushing to our entitled children. But when not setting that boundary seriously endangers a child's life, it's not only misguided, it's child endangerment.

Cheer Abby's determination. Admire her sailing skills. Maintain belief that faith will keep her safe. Focus her maturity and wisdom. Go with her on sailing trips to nurture her passion. But do all you can to keep her safe.

At least until she is old and wise enough to realize her young life is worth more than a world record or a reality show.

Lorraine Devon Wilke is a writer and performer based in Los Angeles who appreciates the complexity of raising teenagers as her son graduates and heads off to college. For more information, visit her website at www.lorrainedevonwilke.com.


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