1. In an effort to offer more creative vacation packages, one French company has added something unusual to the regular mix. What is it?
a) The Atomic Age package, a complete re-creation of a 1950s hotel, including restored cars, radio programs and period actors
b) Simulated kidnappings and imprisonment by fake terrorists
c) Upper-atmosphere sex tours where couples can try to conceive children in zero gravity
2. The mother of an elementary school student pulled him out of a sex education class but was infuriated because:
a) The school had already given him a cartoon pamphlet that showed animals mating
b) His friends just ended up telling him what he missed
c) The school revealed that she had signed the consent form two months earlier
3. A man was arrested on Wednesday after he was accused of taking a hostage. What was the crisis that led to the hostage situation?
a) He took his mother hostage for not doing his ironing
b) He was owed replacement pizza, and nobody came in or out of the restaurant until he got it
c) He was hallucinating and thought the flower shop clerk was an alien
4. Fark's favorite scientists this week are the ones that went out, knocked back some beers and then:
a) Spray-painted particle physics equations on a bridge visible to the MIT dorms
b) Turned a 1975 Volkswagen into a beer fermentation vat
c) Named a new species of dinosaur a "Mojoceratops"
5. Police arrested a man in Madison, Wis., after he had a rough night. Specifically, he:
a) Vomited in a strip club, crashed into the building, then told responding officers his car was driven by Martians
b) Was kicked out of his house by his wife, attacked by the neighbor's dog, then run over by his own car
c) Attempted to rob a Rite-Aid but fumbled the gun and shot himself. Twice.
6. The most unhappy at-large criminal this week is probably the burglar from Edmund, Okla., after he discovered that:
a) Cutting torches will set fire to the money in the stolen ATM, as well as your house
b) The four bottles of hydrocodone stolen from a pharmacy were actually filled with M&Ms
c) The 27 stacks of $100 bills were just props for the upcoming play
7. Accounting transparency audits revealed that a London hospital had an embarrassing past. What happened?
a) During World War II, the hospital made money by refusing to treat war casualties
b) Until 1977, the hospital took in nearly 1.2 million pounds by "hot cotting" -- cycling up to four people through one hospital bed over the course of a day and charging a full day for each
c) It rented out space to a film company, which promptly shot adult movies in the wards
8. A man in China learned the hard way that you never slaughter a chicken in front of a monkey that owes you a favor, because:
a) It will kill all your chickens like a little simian Terminator
b) It will repay the favor by burying your lunch
c) A monkey does not distinguish between chickens and peacocks
9. Fans at the World Cup in South Africa are used to some weirdness, but even they were surprised to hear that officials seized:
a) 200 vuvuzelas that were "contaminated" with 95 percent pure cocaine
b) A python used to speak with dead relatives
c) The uniforms and underwear of the England national team
10. Celebrity worshipers can line up to get a strange piece of history this week, as long as they are willing to spend money on:
a) 30-year old jars of water from Elvis' swimming pool
b) A ship in a bottle made from shattered wood splinters from one of Kurt Cobain's guitars
c) A delicious jam made from Princess Diana's hair
2) B – Sharing is caring
3) A – Prison laundries have really nice ironing areas
4) C – Scientific name likely to be Austinus Powericus
5) A – Would be easier to believe if he drove a Galaxy
6) B – Burglar dismayed that neither M stood for morphine
7) C – "No, nurse, I said to prick his finger"
8) A – Hasta la vista, chickens
9) B – And if your dead relatives won't listen to a python, who will they listen to?
10) C – Spreads nicely on toast, but becomes bitter around paparazzi