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The Dugout: LeBron James Is a Stupid Jerk Face

Jul 9, 2010 – 3:40 PM
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Brandon Stroud

Brandon Stroud %BloggerTitle%

Now is the time for the good men and women of Cleveland to shine. LeBron James has decided to sign with the Miami Heat instead of the Cleveland Cavaliers, so now Cleveland gets to do what they do best: immediately turning on people the second they are not useful anymore.

I lived in Cleveland for three years. I was eating at a restaurant once and brought up Jim Thome. The waitress leans in and says "you know he beat his wife, right?" That's what happens. No matter how nice you are, if you were once in Cleveland and are there no longer, you are the worst person who has ever lived.

Today's Dugout chronicles the Cleveland Indians as they try to cope with the loss of their best player, LeBron James.

The Dugout

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Deserted Cleveland Indians Chatroom!

LaffeyTaffey: Guys, is something wrong? What's going on? Downtown Cleveland is completely deserted!
LaffeyTaffey: oh wait, I forgot, it's the weekend
LaffeyTaffey: say, did any of you watch "Man on Wire: The Touching True Story of LeBron James" on ESPN last night?
MethodAndRedmond: I was gonna watch the whole thing, but I remembered it was basketball, so I just tuned in for the last five minutes to see who won.
LaffeyTaffey: I can't believe we're going to have to live without LeBron "The King" James.
AmbrizTheColorOfYourEnergy: i was so upset i set fire to my cavaliers jersey
MethodAndRedmond: I was so upset I burned down an A.J. Wright full of Cavaliers jerseys.
TheDonald: i was so upset i ruined armando galarraga's perfect game and got him sent to the minor leagues
LaffeyTaffey: with LeBron James gone, who is your favorite player on the team? I'd have to say Antawn Cavalier, probably!
MethodAndRedmond: hey fellas I just thought of a cool joke: "Quitness!"
LaffeyTaffey: I'm not sure I get it!
AmbrizTheColorOfYourEnergy: he put together the words "quit" and "witness"
LaffeyTaffey: Oh, because LeBron James abandoned us? You put quit and witness together! lol I think I get it now!
MethodAndRedmond: jest a little "zinger" I came up with
AmbrizTheColorOfYourEnergy: we should finish up our convo, the browns are gonna stop by soon to collect tribute
LaffeyTaffey: I forgot, they're kings of the town again.
TheDonald: i guess the miz being wwe u.s. champion is all we have left to brag about
MethodAndRedmond: and even he isn't from Cleveland, he's from Parma!
AmbrizTheColorOfYourEnergy: that's like saying the raccoon in your trashcan is from your house
LaffeyTaffey: I know we're all upset about this and wish he'd stayed, but I'm honestly happy that we're handling it and moving our with our lives.
LaffeyTaffey: I'd hate for any of Cleveland's remaining important people to get butthurt and make us look like idiots nationally.
**Online Host**
Meanwhile, in the Cleveland Indians Front Office Chatroom.

ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /chugs sixer of Dew

/opens family sized bag of Cheetos
/sits down in front of Blueberry iMac to compose an open letter

ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /posts open letter, keeps refreshing
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Filed under: Sports