Nick Saban Owes Pimps an Apology

When it comes to football, Nick Saban sees things better than just about anyone. So how can he be so blind when it comes to seeing Nick Saban?

With colleges feeling besieged by crooked agents, Saban got up at SEC media days and provided the go-to quote.

"The agents that do this – and I hate to say this, but how are they any better than a pimp?"

They're not, and putting them out of business is a worthy cause. I'm just not convinced the Heidi Fleiss of football is the right person to lead any noble charge.

Saban has made a career out of pimping himself out, but the hypocrisy is totally lost on him. He should donate his brain to science so psychiatrists could study this acute lack of conscience.

It manifested itself two weeks ago when Alabama's football coach decided to weigh in on LeBron James leaving the Cavaliers.

"The way he managed what he did just speaks volumes about who he is and whether he is a team guy," Saban said. "Not because he left Cleveland, but the way he did. That's not the kind of trust and respect you'd like to have in a team organization."

That triggered snickers and gagging from Lansing to Baton Rouge to Miami. Saban preached trust and respect at each place, only to wipe his feet on those concepts on his way out of town.



Now he's the messiah of Tuscaloosa. After only three years, Saban is already getting his own bronze statue outside Bryant-Denny Stadium. All of which proves hypocrisy does not adversely affect one's coaching ability.

If it did, Saban would have been at the Fairmont, W.Va., Pee Wee Football media days this week. And his team would be coming off another 0-11 season.

I don't personally know any pimps, but they all must have been chortling when Saban played moral arbiter. Pimps make money off the earnings of prostitutes.

I'm not saying Saban's a hooker or has even met Tiger Woods. But you would have gotten very rich peddling Saban's talents the past few years. Especially since Saban was so willing to stand under the street light showing leg to every passing athletic director and general manager.

[Saban] would have given the world's oldest profession a bad name, however. Like any business, you need to keep your customers happy. I'm afraid a real pimp would have taken off his feathered fedora and slapped Tricky Nicky silly.
He would have given the world's oldest profession a bad name, however. Like any business, you need to keep your customers happy. I'm afraid a real pimp would have taken off his feathered fedora and slapped Tricky Nicky silly.

When Saban left Michigan State for LSU, he sent a plane back to Lansing to pick up any staff members who wanted to join him. It came back empty.

LSU fans now revile him to the point they wear "Saban Watches The View" t-shirts. And he won them a national championship. But then he bolted for the Dolphins, where soon he famously proclaimed to have noooooo interest in the Alabama job right until the second he landed at the Tuscaloosa airport.

Saban didn't even tell his coaching staff in person. Mr. Trust & Respect informed them by speakerphone. He explained his departure as only he could.

"What I realized in the last two years is that we love college football coaching because of the ability it gives you to affect people, young people."

He was doing it for the kids. Somehow, Noble Nick never sees anything wrong when he pulls a LeBron. It's probably a side effect of the tunnel vision that has made him a bronzed coaching God.

If that's the tradeoff, Saban will gladly make it. So will Bama fans who donated $50,000 for Saban's statue after he won the BCS Championship.

It was supposed to be unveiled at the season opener, but Alabama director of athletic facilities Thad Turnipseed said there's been a hitch.

The hair and face weren't quite right, at least according to Saban, his wife, Terry, and Alabama athletic director Mal Moore. The unveiling has been moved back to midseason, or whenever the sculptor can design a halo that won't mess up Saban's hair.

"I don't want people to think Nick, Terry and Mal have been picky," Turnipseed said. "They're saying, 'Thad, don't rush. Just get it right."'

Then they should dress him in fishnets, spiked heels and a leopard-skin halter. With a huge blind spot when it comes to self-awareness.