NASCAR's Secret Fines Good Fodder for Conspiracy Wackos

Are you one of those racing fans who think NASCAR's "Secret Fine" policy is dastardly?

If so, please look in the mirror. You will see why those snobby outsiders think the average NASCAR fan has the IQ of a hubcap. Make that a hubcap off a UFO that crashed in Area 51.

Racing fans love a conspiracy theory, and this latest revelation has further convinced them NASCAR is run by a secret society that rigs races and now uses the Bill of Rights to wipe the oil off dipsticks. Before we get a good laugh out of that, let's dispense with the obvious.

Surely nobody would argue that a business doesn't have a right to discipline its employees. Drivers may not technically be NASCAR employees, but they willingly represent the organization.

They must therefore abide by a few rules. One of them is "Don't Trash the Company That Feeds You."

Could you go on TV and rip your company without ramification? Even the ACLU wouldn't allow its lawyers to say its legal opinions are baloney. Yet many racing fans were shocked and dismayed to learn NASCAR fined two drivers for being overly critical of the sport.

Uh, yeah. That's what happens when a person says something that damages their organization. See: Shirley Sherrod ... on second thought, never mind.

The recession is killing NASCAR worse than most sports. The real scandal would have been if it didn't have a fine system, because it would be the only semi-major sport that allowed representatives to wantonly criticize the business and turn off customers.

A big gripe is that fines will muffle honest opinion. Welcome to the big leagues, NASCAR. How many times have you heard an NBA coach or player say, "I can't comment on the officiating"? Muffling damaging statements is the whole point. The Other Side

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"NASCAR likes to wrap itself in the American flag, yet by exerting the strongest speech control on its racers in the history of American pro sports, the famously all-American entity has gone vintage North Korea on us."
-- Clay Travis on why NASCAR was wrong in fining drivers with no transparency

Fans see a contradiction because NASCAR's marketing department wants drivers to be more spunky and outspoken. But the sport isn't wrapping duct tape around everyone's mouths. It's simply recognizing there is a line between a driver saying, "I'd like to stick my bumper up the rear end of the No. 49 Pennzoil Viagra car," and "NASCAR has made these races so dull I don't know why anybody watches unless they're passed out drunk in their double-wide."

The only thing that makes this even slightly unique is NASCAR didn't rent a skywriter plane to inform the world about the policy. The PGA Tour also doesn't announce fines, but golf fans don't see that as proof Freemason/commissioner Tim Finchem messed with the lottery balls to ensure the Knicks would get the No. 1 draft pick in 1985 and take Tiger Woods.

In other words, they don't think every event is part of a larger plot. I've liked conspiracy theorists since the great "Paul is Dead" scandal of 1969, when Beatles fans played "Revolution 9" backward and swore they heard a message saying someone had cut the seat belts in Paul McCartney's Chevy.

Wait, that was one of the wacked-out theories behind Dale Earnhardt's demise. The whole thing was staged, you know, to boost Dale Jr.'s career and allow Sr. to retire to Brazil and start a defensive driving school with Elvis.

NASCAR's Oliver Stone quotient has always been amusing, and the fact the fines were "secret" has fed the paranoia. What else is the sport hiding?

The thing about conspiracy theories is there's no refuting them. To the true believers, the lack of proof is proof something is up.

Psychologists say it's a way of coping. Just as people couldn't believe a random loser like Lee Harvey Oswald could kill John Kennedy, they need something bigger to explain the inexplicable. That's why many still believe there was a second gunman shooting out the tires of Richard Petty's competitors in the 1984 Daytona 500.

If you can't beat some sense into the conspiracy theorists, you might as well join them. So I'm just assuming Skull and Bones sent a memo to Brian France telling him to leak a story to AP that NASCAR is secretly fining drivers, all to take the attention away from Alex Rodriguez's chase for home run No. 600.

Or you could remove your tinfoil hat and accept NASCAR's explanation. That publicizing the fine will just publicize the derogatory comments it is trying to muffle in the first place.

ESPN would have run loops of whatever it was Ryan Newman and Denny Hamlin said. We still don't know what that was, but I'm confident there's at least one racing devotee out there with an explanation.

If you play the tape of the Food City 500 backward you can hear an unidentified fan say "NASCAR is dead."

The sport can't do anything to that guy. It can do something when drivers start singing that tune.