Forget Quran Burning; Air Sex And Clothed Pole Dancing Are Blasphemy

(Sept 15) -- We have lost our perspective on what makes us, as a people, great.

We have become far too focused on the wrong things: the tea party, Glenn Beck, the debate surrounding the Bush tax cuts, the "end" to combat operations in Iraq and recently the proposed burning of Qurans in Florida. All of this infighting and disagreement has clouded our judgment and caused us to turn a blind eye to what's really wrong with this world.

Mary Sledd

Is this what the world has come to? At the Air Sex World Championships in Brooklyn, N.Y., eager participants will get it on and have mock intercourse -- and make a mockery out of sex, according to our columnist.

I speak, of course, about the Air Sex World Championships in Brooklyn, N.Y., and the "No Nudity or Profane Gestures" Pole Dancing Championships in Vancouver, Canada.

PEOPLE! I implore you, let go of your petty differences and unite with me against these horrible social injustices! Pole dancing with clothes on? And no "profane gestures"? This, in and of itself, is profane! The entire concept of pole dancing is to get dirty while naked! Doing it with clothes on is not only pointless, it gives the dancer far too many places for me to stick $1 bills!

And "air sex" -- what the hell? Air guitar, sure. That can be amusing as we watch morons pretend to have talent while engaging in an activity practiced exclusively by those who have none whatsoever. But to take this mockery to the world of sexual positions and movements is just disgusting and smacks in the face everything we hold dear ... namely, boobs.

Clothed simulations of sex and pole dancing. And we're worried about people burning religious books? Wake up, sheeple, lest we next see clothed porn.

From Fark: "The 2010 Miss Pole Dance Canada will be crowned next weekend -- with no g-strings, nudity or provocative gestures." Then what the hell is the point of the whole thing? (upi.com)

From Fark: Air guitar groupies get together for the 2010 air sex championships. With pic of a woman on her knees obviously drinking an imaginary cup of orange juice (brooklynpaper.com)

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Oh, and a quick tip from your ol' pal Joe: Alligators, even injured ones, can bite your arm off.

"But Joe, we already knew this," you're saying. "It's common sense."

Well, not in Florida it's not -- which is scary. When you hear stories about guys like Alexander Alcantare, it just makes it easy for me to produce my daily column.

From Fark: Florida man one step further along in his goal to earn the nickname "Matt" (news.com.au)

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EDITOR'S NOTE: Joe Peacock is a staffer at Fark.com, one of the best sources for weird news. The views he expresses are his own and not necessarily those of this news organization.