According to the Sun Sentinel, which is either a Florida newspaper or some kind of monstrous new solar powered robot designed by Dr. Bolivar Trask, the Florida Marlins are considering relocating a 2011 series against the Seattle Mariners from their home in South Florida to Vancouver, British Columbia. Once they arrive in Canada, the Marlins will be stripped, disbanded, sold off individually, and attacked by bees.

The Marlins' new stadium (which will be called "Joe Robbie Stadium") opens in 2012, so until then Major League Baseball needs to take every chance it can get to show baseball how important the Marlins are by having them play in Puerto Rico, Canada, and wherever else. Those 14 people who showed up to Sun Life Stadium looking to enjoy baseball are going to be really disappointed.

Today's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	bud_is_wiser: Just wanted to sit down with you for a minute and go over the 2011 schedule.
	fLORIdA: LOL am i seriously still doing this
	bud_is_wiser: you're supposed to be running a ball club, but I haven't heard from you all week. Where've you been?
	fLORIdA: setting fire to all the nurseries in little havana
	fLORIdA: did you know that when the eggs die they pop like popcorn
	bud_is_wiser: uh anyway, the Marlins need to move a June 24-26 home series against the Mariners.
	fLORIdA: for what possible reason
	Online Host Bonofide has entered the chatroom.
	Bonofide: YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH yeah YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAHHHH
	fLORIdA: who the hell is this guy and why does he look exactly like me
	bud_is_wiser: this is Bono from U2. He's doing a concert that June 29th and needs an entire week of preparation.
	fLORIdA: to do what exactly
	Bonofide: to sing all the songs from me iPod commercials!
	fLORIdA: ♪derp derp derp hipster bullsh** wank ♪, there you go I just sang the commercial of every apple anything ever
	bud_is_wiser: We're allowing Bono a week of personal stadium time because what he does is important to the ecosystem of the world.
	fLORIdA: and what I do isn't important
	fLORIdA: haha don't answer that I know it isn't
	Bonofide: oy'm singing the entirety of Zooropa, so oy need to set up 2,000 video screens playing videos from The Joshua Tree so fans don't kill themselves
	fLORIdA: where am I supposed to play, puerto rico?
	bud_is_wiser: I was thinking Canada?
	fLORIdA: canada? what the hell is in canada?
	Bonofide: BESOIDS STARVING CHILDREN
	bud_is_wiser: nothing really, but it's as far away as I can send you geographically.
	bud_is_wiser: In August I'm sending you to Denmark to give Tina Turner a month and a half of prep for her "Simply the Best, Still" Tour
	fLORIdA: is tina turner still alive
	bud_is_wiser: Who knows. Jim Croce isn't alive, but I'm giving him Sun Life in September for his "Jigsaw Puzzle With a Couple'a Pieces Gone" World Tour 2011
	bud_is_wiser: for that I'll be shipping the Marlins to Abu Dhabi in a box with this adorable kitten I found
	fLORIdA: well great
	fLORIdA: at least i'll have new and exciting cultures to exploit out of millions of dollars.
	Bonofide: me too, moy chubby doppleganger!
	fLORIdA: hey bono, did i ever tell you about how i'm destroying a neighborhood and robbing everyone of their tax dollars just to call my team the "miami marlins"
	fLORIdA: now all i need is a league change so we can lose to the cubbies in the 2015 world series and make biff tannen rich as f**k
	bud_is_wiser: I think that timeline was erased when Marty made things right back in the 1950s
	fLORIdA: nope, pretty sure i'm still livin in evil 1985
	fLORIdA: hold on, let me check. LORRAINE
	WhoStoppedLorraine: yes dear
	fLORIdA: Where's my father?
	WhoStoppedLorraine: Jeffrey... Your father is in the same place he's been for the past 12 years... Oak Park Cemetery.
	fLORIdA: see