"We really didn't kill her, but what he did after the fact is kinda horrifying," Elisa Baker wrote in letters to a crime memorabilia dealer. "[It] makes me scared of him. So I probably am gonna go ahead and file [for divorce]. I have lost my whole life anyway."
The letters were sent to Eric Gein, owner of Serial Killers Ink, one of the top-selling murderabilia websites, which frequently publishes letters and artwork from accused criminals. Gein told AOL News that he wrote to Baker in the Hickory, N.C., jail shortly after her arrest. He said he has received two very telling letters from her. He shared copies of both with AOL News.
Hickory Deputy Chief of Police Clyde Deal acknowledged that the letters likely were written by Elisa Baker. "I think probably these letters were down at the jail," he said after AOL News showed them to him. "I am not a handwriting analyst, but I mean I wouldn't suspect that it didn't [come from her].
"Obviously not everything she speaks in there is true," he added, noting that the contents of the letter "sound much like the same stuff that she's spouting to some other people."
No one has been charged in connection with Zahra's disappearance; both Adam and Elisa Baker have denied any involvement. Adam Baker's attorney, Mark L. Killian, said he had "no comment" about the letters. Jared Amos, Elisa Baker's attorney, also had no comment.
In the letters AOL News obtained, Baker described her life behind bars and some of the details that led to her incarceration.
"I'm going crazy in this cell," Baker wrote. "I have told the cops everything I know [a]bout what's happened to Zahra. They arrested Adam, but he got right back out. How fair is that? See I told you I have no support. I have never been so angry over stuff as I am right now. He knows what happened to Zahra, and yet I'm the one in here at least for now."
On Monday, a Catawaba County grand jury indicted Elisa Baker on a felony charge of obstruction of justice. She was charged last month after authorities say she admitted writing a fake ransom note to confuse authorities.
"If I hadn't admitted to that stupid note I [would] be out in three weeks but no, they kept pushing an[d] he did that too," Baker wrote, according to one of the letters.
Adam Baker told police he last saw his daughter sleeping in her bed about 2:30 a.m. Oct. 9. He said that he and his wife slept in that Saturday morning and did not notice Zahra was missing until about 2 p.m.
During the investigation, specially trained dogs detected the scent of human remains on property belonging to the Bakers. Dogs also detected similar scents during a recent search of property that reportedly belongs to a tree services company that recently employed Zahra's father for about six months.
Elisa Baker was arrested previously on charges unrelated to the child's disappearance, including writing fraudulent checks, larceny and failure to appear. She is being held on $65,000 bond.
In the letters, Baker said she is in solitary confinement and on suicide watch. "I feel like I have nothing to live for now," she wrote.
Baker also said she would like to talk to the media to defend herself.
"I heard I have even made it to the Nancy Grace show," Baker said. "The[y] keep calling my lawyer wanting [an] interview with me. Everyone does. Sometimes I think my lawyer shouldn't keep me out of the media. I want a chance to tell the truth and defend myself. No one else is. But, I keep getting told to say nothing is best."
On Oct. 25, authorities arrested Adam Baker on charges unrelated to his daughter's disappearance. He faces one count of assault with a deadly weapon, one count of failure to return rental property, two counts of communicating threats and five counts of writing worthless checks.
Adam Baker posted $7,000 bond last week and was released from the Catawba County Jail. He is scheduled to appear in court Nov. 18.
Investigators said last week that Elisa Baker and her attorneys have been "providing information" to police, but they declined to elaborate. Baker talked about being debriefed by police in one of her letters to Gein and said that Adam is supposed to be arrested again soon.
"I don't know," Baker wrote. "Nothing has went [sic] the way it was supposed to, not yet so far. ... I am beyond stressed. When I saw my attorneys today and they said he was out after them promising me for my safety he wouldn't be let out I flipped and have cried since."
Everyone, even her own family, has turned against her, Baker said. She also said that everyone is "telling so many lies" about her.
"All I have gotten is hate mail since I been here from everyone, even my kids," Baker wrote. "When I get out I have been told I have no where [sic] to go, so I am a bit scared. I have truely [sic] lost my life."
Baker said if she manages to get out of jail, she will have to "go into hiding and move across the country" because of all the bad press and hate mail she is receiving.
In regard to her stepdaughter, Baker had little to say other than reporting that the cops "know where she is and what he has done."
"That's right what he has done," Baker wrote.
Investigators are continuing their search of the Baker home for additional evidence in the case today. Police began combing the property Thursday, and the search has been ongoing since.
"I just wonder if Zahra hadn't survived Cancer an[d] been from Australia, if it would truly be like this. There are so many missing kids, but Zahra isn't missing," Baker wrote.