Reckless Predictions for Nov. 26-27

Roofies!

Too. Much. Stimulation.

The next 36 hours could only be more fun if it involved a tiger, a baby, Heather Graham, Mike Tyson and a naked Asian man in the trunk of your car. And even then, we at Reckless aren't so sure about which would be more memorable (common denominator in both? Presence of a "Wolf Pack").

Normally we provide 10 reckless predictions, but so bountiful is the schedule that we've petitioned Jim Delany to allow us to provide 12 while retaining the moniker, "Ten Reckless." He agreed to do so if all the sentences flow in the same direction.

Here we go:

In Akron, 2-9 Buffalo visits the winless – and so sorely and appropriately named – Zips. Akron coach Rob Ianello, a former Notre Dame assistant, invites Leslie Nielsen to address his players before the game, and he implores them (hey, kids, it's an Airplane! Reference) "to win one, just one, for the Zipper!"

In Birmingham ... did you notice how the Sprint Cup ends one weekend before the Iron Bowl? It's as if television programming goes out of its way to accommodate southern sports fans. That's nice. Cam Newton becomes the second Iron Bowl participant in as many seasons to clinch the Heisman Trophy in this game.

In Lincoln, athletic director Tom Osborne wonders how he got stuck with the Savage brothers (hey, kids, it's a Mystic River reference!) on his coaching staff.

In Eugene, Oregon expands its play-calling cards to include nine boxes, as opposed to four. On every card, Alice occupies the center square. Or Paul Lynde (yes, I was born before 1970).

In Reno, The Biggest Little City in America hosts The Biggest Little Game in America. Boise State has beaten Nevada 10 straight times, averaging 50 points while doing so, while Nevada has won 11 in a row at Mackay Stadium. The city best known for a line in a Johnny Cash tune and for Lt. Dangle finally gets its great sports moment.

In Columbus, THE Ohio State University president Gordon Gee proffers opinions on the Middle East crisis, the Big East crisis, "Don't ask, don't tell" and the alarmingly high correlation between pedantic pseudo-intellectual ninnies and their affinity for bow ties. Oh, it'll be fun. The Buckeyes, Auburn, Oregon and Boise State win and Wisconsin loses. That sets up a Boise State-Ohio State Rose Bowl, which will garner more viewers than the BCS Championship Game.

In State College, where Michigan State has never won since Penn State joined the Big Ten in 1994, some things never change. The Nittany Lions win five of six in the second half of the season to finish 8-4, which will also be JoePa's age (minus the dash) when they play their bowl game. As one Twitter follower noted, I'll be giving the same stat in 2019 when Penn State goes 9-3.

In Little Rock, Bobby Petrino tells Les Miles that he will not participate in a postgame coaches' handshake "as long as you're wearing that hat."

"But I always wear this hat!" barks the LSU coach. Fisticuffs ensue.

In Madison, we are reminded of things that roll over: Beethoven and Northwestern's rush defense. By the way, we're talking about the Chuck Berry classic, not the St. Bernard. For clarity's sake. John Clay, James White and Montee Ball each have 13 touchdowns, which is simply ridonk.

In Tallahassee, we are reminded that Urban Meyer is 17-1 versus the Gators' four most-hated opponents (there sure is a lot of animosity directed at Gainesville, eh?): Florida State, Georgia, Miami and Tennessee. And he's undefeated against them in games in which the entire opposing team does NOT celebrate a touchdown. After Seminoles' first touchdown, coach Jimbo Fischer invites entire student body to rush field.

In Palo Alto, Jim Harbaugh illustrates the Butterfly Effect by humming "Hail to the Victors" after Stanford's demoliton of Oregon State. Minutes later, assistant coaches in Ann Arbor speed-dial colleagues about job openings.

In Los Angeles, Trojans quarterback Mitch Mustain makes his first start since 2006. He's the Carl Pavano of college football. Notre Dame wins 18-17 on six David Ruffer field goals.

*In Stillwater, it's Bedlam, Bath & Beyond as ... .oops, confusing holiday shopping with college football forsoothing. The Cowboys get the signature victory of the Mike Gundy era.

*That's right, we snuck in 13. You're not the only one who's bad, Jim.