Vintage Promos: Jumpin' Jeff Farmer Goes Full Force

The name of this column is "vintage promos." By the Michael Cole definition, "vintage" should mean the same promo we've seen from the guy for years. This should include Edge running his hands through his hair and John Cena screaming like a crazy ethnic preacher. However, one of the definitions of the word vintage is "characterized by excellence, maturity, and enduring appeal; classic." We've covered excellence, we've covered maturity ... and now, through the wonder of what is maybe the worst wrestling interview ever given, we will explore enduring appeal, and the meaning of the word "classic."

That being said, here are the 10 best things about Jumpin' Jeff Farmer's attempt at a wrestling interview.



1. The only difference between the live broadcasting and the interview conducted earlier tonight is that Jumpin' Jeff Farmer is standing there. Look at the look in his eyes when they cut over. What's he looking at, exactly? What's going through his mind at that exact moment? Besides remembering fragments of about 30 different sentences he's supposed to remember to say, I mean.

2. "A while back, what a match you had with Motley." The microphone comes to Jeff. He can say anything. He can launch right into a threatening diatribe against Motley. He can talk about the match, the moments he tried to get across to the fans, or at the very least recap what happened. He could think, act and breathe like a professional wrestler. He chooses to say "Yip" and wait for the next pitch.

3. The match against Motley is one of the toughest matches Jumpin' Jeff Farmer has ever had. A quick search of related YouTube videos reveals Motley Cruz to be a funny Jimmy Garvin looking midget.

4. Jumpin' Jeff don't like it when things aren't going his way, so much so that his anger is taking him over and he can't get that out. It's like when you beat the sh** out of a bully in middle school and then burst into tears in the principal's office.

5. Motley Cruz has turned the tables. He has turned the tables in a wrong way. He turned them clockwise, when he should've turned them counterclockwise.

6. Motley Cruz has made Jumpin' Jeff Farmer mad, which is (apparently) a big mistake. And trust me, there is nobody you want to piss off less than the lowest possible rent Brian Pillman doing a Lex Luger point and losing about half his lines to a satin jacket.

7. According to Jeff, Motley "turned around" and "backstabbed [him] one way or another." Were they standing back to back? And the only way or another I could think to back stab someone is to turn on them, or literally put a knife into their back. Seeing as how this guy's name isn't Bleedin' T'Death Jeff Farmer, I'm guessing Motley backstabbed him in the one possible way.

8. As we enter No. 8, I want to remind you that this promo is less than a minute long. Anyway, Farmer issues a challenge to Motley Cruz (who has already beaten him), announcing that because he is now doing the challenging, he will be going full force. He is going to be pretty damn angry if he gets treatcheated out of another victory.

9. [pause] "Jumpin' Jeff Farmer! Now, let's go to the ring." Of all the things that guy could've said to mark the occasion, he pauses to make sure Jeff isn't full-forcing anything else out and totally shuts him down by just saying his name and getting the hell out of there.

10. This promo has become infamous online, and you'd think Farmer at least won his rematch against Motley. Not true. The very best thing about Jumpin' Jeff's promo is that despite him being the one doing the challenging, despite Motley realizing that he's made Jeff angry by turning the tables in a wrong way, despite him going full force, the follow-up promo is Jeff going, "welp, he pinned the sh** out of me."



Classic.