Opinion: Sensible Gift Ideas for 2010 Newsmakers

With Christmas nearly upon us, it might be fun to take a look at what some newsmakers from the year gone by could be hoping to find under their tree.

President Barack Obama: A clean copy of his birth certificate that he can send far and wide to all those "birthers" who still can't accept that he really is an all-American boy. And if Santa's feeling extra generous, he might also leave a couple of million new American jobs under Obama's tree, sparing the president from having to find a new one of his own come 2013.

John Boehner: A good sunblock, I'm thinking maybe SPF 300, and a two-year supply of Kleenex for all those teary interviews and news conferences that surely lie ahead.

Nancy Pelosi: A warm set of gloves and a scarf, as it might get a bit drafty in the new office she's gonna get in the basement of one of the House Office Buildings.

Brett Favre: A cell phone without a camera, to help in case he gets the urge to "sext" anyone in the coming new year who is not currently his wife.

Christine O'Donnell: An acting job, perhaps the role of Dorothy in a revival of "The Wizard of Oz," so the next time she says "I'm not a witch," she can at least get paid for it.

Toyota: A dependable set of brakes.

BP: A new corporate name.

Mitt Romney: A new makeup and hair stylist. After all, should he and Sarah Palin wind up in a head-to-head contest for the Republican presidential nomination, it would mark the first time Romney's ever run against someone prettier than he is.

Sarah Palin: Between her book sales, her reality show, her Fox News commentator gig and her daughter's finish in the finals of "Dancing With the Stars," she's been handed so many gifts in the year gone by that it's hard to imagine there's anything she really needs. Still, she would probably be very pleased with a million new Facebook friends and a basket full of Twitter subscribers in Iowa and New Hampshire.

Wikileaks' Julian Assange: A really good lawyer, a reliable Internet domain host and a supply of super-strong condoms to prevent future prison stays.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: A cure to the virus that seems to have afflicted his "peaceful" nuclear centrifuges, and maybe a necktie or two, so he can give that tired open-collared look a rest in the new year.

The state of Arizona: A massive influx of legal American citizens, in particular folks who really enjoy working in the landscaping, dishwashing and table busing industries.

Keith Olbermann: Some lozenges to soothe his throat for all those intolerably long "Special Comments" he makes almost every night. And how about a set of squeeze toys with the face of Bill O'Reilly on one and his MSNBC boss's face on the other?

And, last but not least, Tiger Woods: A nice new girlfriend who doesn't own a camera or cell phone and doesn't know how to text. And if Santa's really feeling it for Tiger, maybe he'll leave a little magic dust under Tiger's tree, so he can put it on his driver and his putter and, before you know it, be right back where he ought to be.

Because as much as the American media loves to tear down a winner, what the American people really love even more is a great comeback.

Happy Holidays!