AOL Weird News Top 10: The Best of the Bizarre

We at AOL Weird News have a motto: "We don't make this stuff up. ... And if we could, we'd be making the big bucks in Hollywood."

In 2010, a guy actually named Donald Duck was accused of drunken driving, while another named Frankenstein -- with a scar, just as you'd expect, across his forehead -- allegedly threatened to stab a cop at a Toby Keith concert.

We even have mug shots to prove it.

As we look back on the year that was, we find that the Vatican newspaper declared Homer Simpson to be Catholic and Santa Claus -- an ordained minister from Nevada -- spoke out against the pope.

We marveled at a 115-foot Jesus statue (propped up on a 55-foot base). as well as a pea-sized frog, no bigger than a fly other frogs might eat.

In the realm of human achievement, an armless pianist won China's top talent show, a British man spent 121 days in a small room with 30 venomous snakes (only to be rejected by Guinness World Records), and innovators constructed a 70-mph wheelchair as well as a gum wrapper chain that dwarfs Mount Everest.

From the animal world, "super chimps" were put on guard duty at the Commonwealth Games, while "guard parrots" foiled a burglary.

So many great stories, so little time. With that in mind, here's AOL Weird News' Top 10 of 2010.

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1. UFOs in China -- and Everywhere

In a year where UFOs shut down a Chinese airport more than once, the pope's astronomer promised that he would baptize an ET, should one step forward.

If that should ever come to pass, don't invite famed astrophysicist Stephen Hawking to the christening. He sternly warned humanity against getting chatty with superintelligent little green men, lest they turn an antenna against us in anger.

On Election Day, the people of Denver voted on whether to open an office of ET affairs, and not long after, what appeared to some to be huge, Dorito-shaped spacecrafts hovered over Britain.

All the while, the English were faced with newly unearthed World War II documents that suggest Winston Churchill suppressed details of a close encounter between the Royal Air Force and a fast-moving unidentified flying object.

AOL Weird News writer Lee Speigel even got David Letterman talking about Chinese UFOs in his July 21 monologue. Thanks for the mention, Dave! (Read: 2010: A Big Year in UFOs)

2. The Psychic Octopus -- and Other Amazing Animals

Who needs a Magic 8-Ball when you've got an eight-armed oracle?

As the World Cup tournament heated up, Paul the Octopus -- a deep-sea denizen at a German aquarium -- became an international obsession as he correctly predicted the outcome of seven successive matches.

On June 22, AOL Weird News contributor Ed Mazza dubbed this celebrity cephalopod "the Psychic Octopus" -- and the name stuck. In the end, Paul correctly foresaw Spain as the 2010 FIFA champ, making the mystical mollusk an octo-amazing eight for eight in prognostication.

Paul's glory was celebrated in an iPhone App, and his untimely death was an Internet event. Germany's Sea Life Centre, however, simply got a new octopus and, predictably, named it "Paul II."

Great animal stories were in no short supply. While China didn't participate in the World Cup, it did teach roosters to play an amazing new sport dubbed "cock soccer." And, please be very careful how you pronounce this newly coined term.

2010 was also a year in which we saw a unicorn cow, an outbreak of rabid vampire bats that left more than 500 people bitten, as well as AOL Weird News reporter Larry Knowles' piece on Koala bear chlamydia -- a story that caught the eye of Stephen Colbert. Thanks for the bump, Papa Bear! (Read: 2010 Amazing Deep Sea Stories and 2010's Top Animal News)

3. A Bearded Mother and Child Reunion

Every adopted child imagines what his or her biological parents are like. And when 33-year-old Richard Lorenc of Kansas did the research, he discovered that he and his birth mother had something very obvious in common: beards.

Sideshow superstar Vivian Wheeler -- who holds the Guinness World Record for longest female beard (11 inches) -- had believed she could never have children, and her life in circuses would've made it difficult to be a mother. But she gave birth to Richard in 1977, and his father ran off with him shortly after. As AOL Weird News reporter Marc Hartzman reported, it was a joyful family reunion.

The Maury Show confirmed Marc's original reportage with a DNA test (Maury Povich's specialty), and Marc joined them on the air, as they shared their heartfelt story with the world. Thanks, Maury!

4. Baywatch Babe vs. TSA

It seems like everyone has a beef with the Transportation Safety Administration's new rigid measures. Even former Playboy Playmate Donna D'Errico -- Miss September 1995 -- feels overexposed by airport scanners.

When AOL Weird News reporter David Moye read the former "Baywatch" babe's Facebook diatribe, he snapped into action, offering to be her Facebook friend. She declined.

Then he wrote a story wherein she accused TSA officials of singling her out because of her legendary "hotness" -- a story that was picked up by the Daily News, Los Angeles Times, CBS News and several other news sites.

D'Errico finally jiggled off into the sunset -- albeit not before some speculated that "Ghost Porn" of her TSA scan was in circulation. Finally, she relented to be Dave's Facebook Friend. Thanks, Donna!

5. Hot Dog Champ Goes Rogue

When competitive eating legend Takeru Kobayashi failed to contest the 2010 Coney Island chow-down, many thought the former hot dog-chewing champ had turned chicken.

As with most sports controversies, this dispute came down to money. Major League Eating -- the organization that lords over most belt-busting contests -- refused to let Kobayashi compete unless he signed a contract, as other eaters do.

Nobody, however, expected the food phenom to rush the stage just after his archrival Joey Chestnut won his third consecutive title. Soon, Brooklyn police had arrested the world's mightiest mouth.

Two days later, Kobayashi came into AOL News for his first post-arrest sit-down interview, telling AOL Weird News reporter Ben Muessig that he didn't mean to cause the controversy -- comments that sparked headlines in the world of competitive eating. Thanks, Koby!

6. Airline Introduces 'Cuddle Class'

If TSA searches have left you feeling manhandled, at least one airline is making travel more intimate. Air New Zealand introduced "Cuddle Class" -- an option that allows travelers to book a row of three seats that fold into a cozy little bed.

We're not saying the airline is encouraging travelers to join the "Mile High Club" (and if you don't know what that is, we'll spare you from the explanation), but it does say something about the state of air transportation, while giving new meaning to that old slogan, "Fly the Friendly Skies."

In a world of unrestrained capitalism, 2010 also saw the advent of lockjaw sandwiches, naval mine furniture, designer gas masks, "Star Trek" cremation urns, happy coffins, chastity belts for dogs, a spray-on cure for premature ejaculation, a Kama Sutra for Snuggie Lovers, and soothing vaginal steam baths.

And how's this for a statement on American health care: a New York City OBGYN is now selling sex toys to supplement his income, and apparently that's not against AMA rules.

The New York Times was quick to notice AOL Weird News reporter Matthew Hall's Cuddle Class coverage. Thanks, Gray Lady!

7. Bugatti Apologizes for 'Rape Yellow'

Here's another example of why translation is both an art and a science: The French car manufacturer Bugatti released a promotion on the Internet that its $1.7 million Veyron -- the most expensive street legal car available in the United States -- was available in the shade of "Rape Yellow."

Eagle-eyed AOL Weird News reporter Joe Peacock wrote the first news story about this shady shade, and Bugatti quickly thanked Joe for being the first one to point out the company's embarrassing mistake.

As it turns out, the car maker intended the color to be "Rapeseed Yellow." Apparently, since the car hits a top speed of 253 mph, they didn't slow down enough for copy editors. Nevertheless, the site has been tuned up, and the U.S. division offered Joe a test drive of the new Veyron. Thanks, Bugatti!

8. One-Legged Man Escapes on Foot -- and Other Headlines

When you have trouble catching an accused criminal who is not running but hopping away from the crime scene, maybe it's time to put down the doughnuts.

AOL Weird News crime reporter Ben Muessig came up with the inspired headline "One-Legged Man Escapes on Foot," and even Ann Coulter called it out in her blog.

Some other great headlines from 2010: Man Gets $650,000 After Being Kicked in Face by Stripper, Woman Tried to Assault Cop With Sex Toy, Man in Breathalyzer Costume Fails Breathalyzer Test, 'Vampires' Stab Man Who Wouldn't Give Blood, Kentucky Man Forced to Eat His Own Beard, Clown Robs Woman on Toilet and -- grit your teeth guys -- Man Almost Loses Testicle in Tragic Waxing Accident.

One thing about weird crime: A lot of it happens in Florida. One reason: Florida puts all its mug shots online quickly. Another reason: It's America's unofficial weird news capital. Thank you, Sunshine State! (Read More: 2010's Best Mug Shots)

9. An All-Bacon Kevin Bacon

2010 was a stunning year in what we call "bacon-trepreneurship" -- a year when bacon soda
and even colored bacon became reality.

The greatest achievement in crispy, sizzling innovation goes to J&D Foods, the makers of a giant Kevin Bacon statue made, of course, out of bacon. Not to be outdone, another artist fashioned a "Star Wars" salute in fried pork.

One might argue that the 7-headed model at India Fashion Week or Japan's "Grow Your Own Rice Bra" were the weird news fashion statements of the year, but not in our opinion, unless you add bacon bits. Thank you, pig farmers of America!

10. Jesus on a Telephone Pole -- and Other Supernatural Sightings

In 2004, a grilled cheese sandwich sold on eBay for $28,000 because the silhouette of the Virgin Mary was seared into the bread. These days, Jesus, Mary and other biblical notables are popping up on telephone poles, the walls of an Australian pub and even Christmas candy.

And if you want to make your own, there's always the Jesus toaster. For this wonderful bounty of weird news, we clasp our hands in gratitude. Thank you, God!

Of course, if there is, indeed, a higher power, it would explain some of those amazing achievements that keep the world weird and wonderful.

One man actually swam under Mount Everest. Another man, without arms or legs, managed to swim the English Channel.

In another amazing story, conjoined twins were born, joined at the head and able to see out of each other's eyes.

We at AOL Weird News have no idea what awaits us in 2011. Of course, if we did, we'd hightail it to Hollywood.

All we can say is, "Expect the unexpected."

And, of course, Happy New Year!

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