Nearly four years after surviving the worst school shooting in America -- the Virginia Tech massacre of April 16, 2007 -- and trying to live a "normal" life, I sat there Saturday, stunned, angry and saddened as the nauseating details of another mass murder unfolded before my eyes.
I sat there as the uncontrollable feelings that come from the shock and trauma of a normal day morphing into madness raced through my being. Jagged, painful, frightening fragments of the craziest day of my life started attacking my mind as I watched someone else's nightmare become real.
I sat there, understanding that those who were shot and still conscious were undoubtedly grappling with the absolute fear and uncertainty of their chances to live or die.
As the hours passed, and the reality of the horror set in, and the fight to keep living gained steam, I sat there, remembering the simultaneous feelings of joy and sadness that would wash over the victims as their heart-stricken family members filled their hospital rooms and held vigils by their bedsides.
I sat there, knowing before they could know that their lives would never be the same. Experiencing the rampage of a sick and needy man, armed with the ability to project massive damage with minimal effort, would change them, would change anyone.
As I continue to try to make more meaning out of my life, watching other families endure the same series of events that mine did is quietly devastating and supremely upsetting.
America, I ask you, why has so little changed?
When the 2009 mass shooting in Binghamton, N.Y., happened, I again was a television witness, sitting there, being jerked around by a rollercoaster of emotions.
But I couldn't sit for long. People have told me in recent months, as I've begun working with the Brady Campaign to advocate for sensible gun laws, that crazy people are going to do crazy things. They've told me there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't believe them the first time, and I don't believe them now.
After Binghamton, I started learning what our laws are (or, more importantly, are not) when it comes to firearms.
Arizona, as we now know, has almost no gun laws. No laws to protect children from adults who leave guns unlocked. No laws to require a license with a purchase. No laws to require mandatory reporting of stolen guns. No laws requiring fingerprinting, or the micro-stamping of guns. No laws limiting how many guns can be purchased every month. No laws requiring background checks for purchasing ammunition. No laws requiring that law enforcement have a say in who can carry concealed weapons, as Jared Loughner is accused of doing. No assault weapons restrictions, and no restrictions, as we sadly saw, on how many rounds can be in high-capacity magazines -- magazines that declare and wage war on innocents.
What I learned at gun shows, and as a survivor of the madness that is gun violence, is part of a new documentary called "Living for 32" -- in memory of the 32 people killed every day from gun violence in our country, and the 32 killed at Virginia Tech.
Maybe crazy people will do crazy things. But why, I ask my country, my president, my representatives in Congress, why do we make it so damned easy?
Colin Goddard is a mass shooting survivor and assistant director of federal legislation with the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence.
Related: Virginia Tech Survivor Is 'Living for 32' in War to Tighten Gun Laws