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I said, are. You. Ready? Then, for the thousands in attendance, and the millions reading at home. Let's get ready to read today's Dugout!Two of baseball's brightest young stars kept busy this offseason; the Colorado Rockies signed Carlos Gonzalez to a seven year, $80 million contract extension, and Evan Longoria of the Tampa Bay Rays jumped into the ocean from a helicopter because he can't tell the difference in his cap and one that looks just like it.
Because of these accomplishments, Gillette named them two of the 2011 "Young Guns," which I guess means they will represent the company when John Cena is not bursting out of toilet stalls and forcing people to cut themselves on camera.
If you haven't seen the commercial, check it out on the YouTubes before trying to get the following jokes. If you don't want to watch the video, the whole joke is that they say "ready" a lot.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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EvanAlmighty: You ready? |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: BORN ready! |
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EvanAlmighty: Beyond ready! |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: Was ready yesterday! |
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EvanAlmighty: Was ready last week! |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: Last month. Last year. |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready is ready, so ready, that your ready hasn't even started yet |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready HAS started and has eaten your ready for breakfast! My ready ATE your ready for food! |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready is as ready as a race car driver in a Peanut M&M's themed super science speed suit! |
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LouD'IMinPhillips: The Red Sands Creek Reservation. 200 people butchered in the snow with their stomachs empty. My mother's people. You see, |
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LouD'IMinPhillips: whoops sorry wrong chatroom |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready is immeasurable by all observed standards. It is a 100% mathematical certainty. |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready is more ready than Ready from The Ruff and Ready Show |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready is too young to know what you're talking about. |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: ready, ready |
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EvanAlmighty: ready. My ready is so black and it's teeth so yellow when it smiled I thought it was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers helmet. |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready is so fat, when it sits around the house it really sits around the house... for breakfast |
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EvanAlmighty: my ready f**ked your mother |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My father stuffed ready up the front of his junk and f**ked my mother with it, impregnating her with ready and causing her to give birth to a man who was ready incarnate. |
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EvanAlmighty: I can use my ready to shave my face |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: Gillette™ brand Ready |
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EvanAlmighty: ready /swings bat for no reason |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready gave 100 million dollars to Jayson Werth! |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready signed Mark Prior to a minor league contract just to f**k with you |
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LouD'IMinPhillips: does anyone know where I could find the Young Guns film chatroom |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready? |
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EvanAlmighty: My ready is ready for him. Her. That. It. You. Whomever. |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: My ready can identify pronouns. /pats football |
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EvanAlmighty: hey, not to break up the chat or anything but do you have any f**king idea what we're supposed to be getting ready for? |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: I don't know. We're "Gillette Young Guns." I guess that means we're getting ready to be good at baseball? |
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EvanAlmighty: but we're already both super good at baseball |
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EvanAlmighty: shouldn't a "young gun" be someone who is about to prove themselves |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: hey Lou, what constitutes a "young gun?" |
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LouD'IMinPhillips: You can't be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean. |
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EvanAlmighty: I might have no idea what you mean. |
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CarGonTakeMeAway: maybe Alfredo Simon should've been the Gillette Young Gun? |
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EvanAlmighty: my ready is ready to stop talking about this |
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