If Major League Baseball is the critically acclaimed AMC scripted drama "Mad Men" (and it is), Randy Johnson is the Jimmy Barrett, a guy who isn't around anymore but is fondly remembered for stuffing Utz potato chips in his face like a nut and killing a bird with a fastball. In this analogy, the dead bird is the sanctity of the Draper marriage and the Utz potato chips are Just For Men hair gel. Wait, I'm getting this all confused.

Regardless, Johnson is making me laugh during commercial breaks on a TBS morning with his Just For Men commercial, featuring more of the illogical, hateful rhyming that made the Emmitt Smith commercial a classic. If you haven't seen it, check it out here.

Yes, I'm just going to keep doing Dugouts about commercials. I haven't even gotten to Flo at Progressive Field yet. Today's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	EmmittAllToHell: so this Randy Johnson house?
	BlackFrazier: I think so, the GPS in our Mustache Ambulance says this is it.
	MexPower: he needs to get some woman to come out here and landscape, if he got rid of this hedge he could add at least ten or twenty feet to his property
	BlackFrazier: I don't know, it's already a pretty big unit
	EmmittAllToHell: shhh, quiet, here he come
	Online Host BigJohnson has entered the chatroom.
	BigJohnson: /pushes enormous lawnmower out into hideously unkempt yard
	LadyNeighbor: /wanders out to pick up the paper in her underwear, for some reason
	BigJohnson: /waves
	LadyNeighbor: /is a bitch about it
	BigJohnson: /
	BlackFrazier: NOW NOW NOW GO GO GO
	MexPower: /fires up sirens
	BlackFrazier: /rushes up to confront Johnson in his sh**ty yard
	EmmittAllToHell: /tries to rush up to confront Johnson, loses eight yards
	BlackFrazier: HEY RANDEH. With gray on your lip...
	MexPower: ... your curb appeal's ZIP!
	EmmittAllToHell: yo SHTUBBLES in TROUBLE
	BigJohnson: what is going on, why are you insulting me, I was just trying to mow my yard
	MexPower: Your chin is a sin!
	BlackFrazier: Your goatee is gro-dee!
	EmmittAllToHell: YA BEARD IS WEIRD.
	MexPower: We already used that one on you, you can't say your beard is weird. Randy, your lower face is a mower disgrace!
	BlackFrazier: Your jaw is flawed!
	BigJohnson: no seriously guys, I can't really talk, I've got to finish up my chores, mow down this foreclosed murder house's yard and get back inside
	BlackFrazier: excuse me, miss
	LadyNeighbor: yes?
	BlackFrazier: Why don't you want to have sex with this man?
	LadyNeighbor: isn't it obvious? He has a small amount of gray hair in his beard.
	BigJohnson: come on, I wasn't trying to have sex with you, I was waving at you, you're my neighbor
	LadyNeighbor: /covers face with newspaper, walks away
	MexPower: Try this! Emmitt, get the hose.
	EmmittAllToHell: /runs back to van, ends up lost somewhere in the backyard
	MexPower: Just for Men gel! Penetrates tough gray and puts it away!
	BigJohnson: /combs shoe polish into face
	BlackFrazier: NOW how much sex will you have?
	LadyNeighbor: He still looks like a monster, now he just has a jet black goatee. Please, get out of my yard!
	MexPower: Huh.
	MexPower: okay, welp, we're gonna hire some prostittues to finish up your yard work
	BigJohnson: I'm going to go back in now, my wife has been waiting for me for like twenty minutes.
	MexPower: The Big Unit's CHILLIN!
	BlackFrazier: His wife he'll be fillin!
	EmmittAllToHell: WEIRD BEARD
	Online Host Just For Men
	LadyNeighbor: /picks up box
	MexPower: NO THESE ARE JUST FOR MEN