Hair Ye! Hair Ye! Troy Polamalu Is Man of Troy When It Comes to Super Scalps

IRVING, Texas -- Troy Polamalu beat Clay Matthews by two votes Monday for the AP Defensive Player of the Year. Word is the deciding votes were cast by Paul Mitchell and Vidal Sassoon.

If you know hair, you know there is no question what player has the most handsome, stylish, trendsetting and inspirational 'do in the NFL. Polamalu is the Hair King.

That includes Matthews, who is being touted as Polamalu's biggest hair rival. A look at Tuesday's Media Day showed how wrong-headed that is.

From a hair standpoint, you couldn't tell Matthews from A.J. Hawk from Brett Swain from Fabio. If they'd gotten together and posed, you could have thought Grand Funk Railroad had returned from the dead and was here to sing the National Anthem.

When the Steelers took the field, there was no mistaking the pony-tailed Polamalu. This is football's Age of Aquarius. From a hair standpoint, the average college and pro sideline looks like the latrine line at Woodstock.

Amid the dreadlock overload, Polamalu stands out. Any good stylist knows the hairdo should be a reflection of the man. Brian Urlacher is a crew cut. Elvis was a pompadour.

Polamalu is a warrior. His hair isn't just long, it's a mission statement. Its roots go back to ancient Samoa, where male tribal leaders never cut their hair and killed giant crocodiles with their bare hands.
The Other Side

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Polamalu's flowing curls are impressive, just not as photogenic or as well kept. In fact, even Troy Polamalu, a fellow USC grad, would probably confess to being jealous of Matthews' hair if he was being completely honest.
-- Clay Travis on why the Clay Matthews has better hair than Troy Polamalu
Polamalu wasn't the first Samoan in the NFL, but he was the first to routinely make SportsCenter highlights. Every shot was dominated by that twirling, whirling river of black spewing from his helmet.

Earlier long-hairs like Mark Gastineau and Ricky Williams were seen as self-promoters or weirdos. Polamalu's hair was merely an extension of his play. It was reckless and wild, but not contrived or ... dare we say it ... sissy.

I don't want to go Vince Lombardi on you, but there's a reason 94 percent of men still have relatively short hair. They realize they're just a couple of quick snips away from having a mullet.

I say that knowing full well that Matthews, who like Polamalu played at USC in college, could crush me with his little finger. I'm not questioning the masculinity of any NFL player who likes long hair. It's just that if they weren't NFL players, you'd think they were unemployed or starving French artists.

Guys like Matthews should thank Polamalu. Just as Michael Jordan made it fashionable to wear long shorts with a bald head, Polamalu made it socially acceptable for players to avoid going to the barber.

Nobody questions Polamalu's testosterone level. He intercepted a pass in 2006 against Kansas City and set sail toward the end zone. Larry Johnson made a desperation leap, grabbed a clump of hair and tackled him.

Was Polamalu fazed?

"It didn't hurt," he said. "It felt good."

This is the guy I want on that wall. Polamalu didn't grow his hair to get attention, but he's smart enough not to turn attention down. Head & Shoulders has built its marketing around him, right down to insuring his hair for $1 million.


It may sound like a gimmick, but I bought a bottle of Head & Shoulders For Men when I got to Dallas. I used it Tuesday morning. I could almost feel my testosterone level rise. Famed Spanish TV hottie Ines Sainz kept making eyes at me. I could tell she wanted to run her fingers through my previously-thinning mane.

It was the best $4.59 I've ever spent on shampoo. On the shelf below was a gallon of Suave for $1.98. That's the company that signed Matthews last week, hoping to capitalize on his sudden rise to follicle fame.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Back at Media Day, Polamalu's teammate Ryan Clark put on a Troy wig and primped for the cameras.

"Can I get a deal? Can I get a deal?" he asked any potential shampoo companies who might have been watching.

It's not likely. When it comes to hairdos, there is only one real deal in the NFL. Polamalu literally rises head and shoulders above the rest.