Roger Goodell's Rhetoric Cold as Weather

DALLAS -- Remember Baghdad Bob, the erstwhile Iraqi Information Minister who proclaimed Saddam's army was kicking butt while U.S. tanks rolled through the streets behind him?

He's working for the NFL now. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Baghdad Roger.

"We are thrilled to be here in North Texas," he said Friday.

B. Roger Goodell gave his annual State of the NFL speech, proclaiming this is a great place for a Super Bowl. In the background, a fresh blast of winter engulfed Ice Station Dallas.

Hundreds of flights were canceled. Scores of cars slipped off the road. Thousands of people almost slipped on the ice. Electricity blackouts roamed the state.

But on the plus side, we could have been in Cairo. And Ben Roethlisberger has been forced to take cold showers all week.

It's always funny until somebody gets hurt, which also happened Friday. Seven people were injured, one critically, when ice fell from the roof of Cowboys Stadium.

Griping about the host city is a Super Bowl tradition. I always figured 99.8 percent of America didn't care that Snoop Dogg didn't show up at the Maxim party or that a media bus had a flat tire and irate reporters missed the free buffet at Taco Cabana.

As long as the game wasn't affected, it was much ado about zero. But Super Bowl XLV's weather has caused problems beyond forcing Fergie to wear clothes in public.

Getting everybody safely in and out of the game is a nightmare when it's 83 degrees. If this week's ice and snow storms had hit a couple of days later, this Super Bowl might have set a record for empty seats.

That might not have been such a bad thing. Imagine how much ice might have crashed down Friday if 110,000 people had been rummaging around Cowboys Stadium.

To think this fiasco could have easily been avoided. All it would have taken was some genius looking at the USA Today weather map and saying, "Why would we ever play the Super Bowl north of the 28th Parallel?"

It's so simple. The game should rotate between Miami, Tampa, New Orleans, Phoenix and San Diego. The biggest complaint anyone's ever had at those places is they left sunburned or hung over. I certainly can't recall the last time anyone was whacked by falling ice at Raymond James Stadium.

This week's weather has been a freak occurrence, but why even risk it? You know what the chances are of Miami having sleet and minus-11 wind chills?

Zero, which is also where Goodell's credibility rating drifted Friday.

"This isn't the only part of the country being affected by this weather."

No, but the NFL could have chosen somewhere in the 10 percent of America that hasn't been under ice.

"There are a number of factors our owners take into consideration when they make the decision of where to have a Super Bowl."

Yeah, but they all come down to money. The NFL promised "North Texas" a Super Bowl because it helped bankroll Jerry Jones' $1.2 billion pleasure dome.

The game will be in balmy Indianapolis next year because taxpayers built Lucas Oil Stadium. It goes to New York in 2014 thanks to the New Meadowlands Stadium. We should just be glad Minsk didn't build a new stadium or we'd all be eating caribou jerky at Super Bowl XLII.

"I've seen a lot of salt and sand out there," Jones said.

Maybe this is just God's way of further getting even with the Cowboys owner. First his team implodes, ruining the dream of a hometown Super Bowl. Then that town turns into Buffalo at the worst possible time.

Speaking of Buffalo, expect its Super Bowl bid any day now. The NFL's new vagabond policy has inspired every city with more than two snow plows to apply for a game.

"North Texas," which as far as I can tell doesn't have two snow plows, is angling for Super Bowl XL. Chicago is getting all worked up. Imagine if the game had been there this week.

At least that kind of city is used to dealing with icy roads, and its people don't huddle by their fireplaces when more than two inches of snow falls. But why are we even having this discussion?

Is it so bad to go to a comfortable locale where you know Sarah Palin won't show up to shoot caribou?

"You're going to be to be seeing the Super Bowl from one of the great stadiums in the world," Goodell said. "I think that will demonstrate the importance of having great facilities for all our games, including the Super Bowl. And the fact that it can handle the weather by closing the roof is a benefit."

Wait a minute. I thought the fact New Meadowland Stadium didn't have a roof was a benefit. You know, football being played in the brutal elements, just like Vince Lombardi designed it?

The NFL's justifications change like the weather. Not that I want to come off as one of those bellyaching visitors people around here are getting sick of.

"They're probably just jealous," Arlington Mayor Robert Cluck said. "Everybody is going to be able to get in and get out easily."

Unless they have an icicle sticking out their heads. As Baghdad Roger was delivering his address Friday, the ice was crashing down at Cowboys Stadium.

It shouldn't take that kind of accident to knock some sense into the NFL.