The Week in Weird (Internet Hug Edition)

With all that's happening in the Middle East, a lot of interesting and bizarre stories have fallen between the cracks. We're here to pluck them out and show you what you've missed.

If you think you're on top of all the weird news out there, jump ahead and take the Fark Weird News Quiz. If not, here's a recap:

A Mastur-Criminal

When committing a break-in, there are so many things to consider.

How much time before people return? Are there vigilant neighbors? Is your getaway car big enough for your haul or will multiple trips be necessary? When is the best time to strike?

With all those questions, it's understandable that once plans are in place, a thief might need to take a mental break. Just to clear his head so he doesn't forget anything.

He definitely shouldn't stop to rest if he hasn't worked out the logistics. But if a burglar simply must pause while he's on the "job," he certainly should be aware of his surroundings -- and what he's doing in them. He certainly wouldn't want any embarrassing exposure.

Like getting caught by the police looking at porn with his pants down.

Police responded to the scene of a break-in to find the suspect hastily pulling up his pants while an "explicit video" was playing on the computer. The hands-on burglar explained to police that he broke into the commercial building to look for a job -- even though it was after work hours -- and yes, there's an embarrassing mugshot.

The suspect's freedom was jerked away from him in a stroke of bad luck. A judge might toss him off to the slammer, but if he's lucky, a lenient judge might rub out the charge so the suspect doesn't face hard time, but that happy ending might be a pipe dream.


Earth's First UFO Refueling Station - A Great Place to Meet Our New Overlords

Casting a long shadow over the city of Colorado Springs, the majestic crown of Pikes Peak is a raised vertebra of the Rockies. The views from that mountaintop inspired the song "America the Beautiful" in the 19th century.

One Colorado Springs native doesn't dispute the mountain's beauty; it's just that in his lofty opinion, it's not reaching its full potential.

There are hundreds of picturesque mountains, but aliens contacted "UFO Phil" with a much larger goal in mind for Pikes Peak; specifically, they want him to build a pyramid on it.

Not a little one, mind you -- the aliens (one of which answers to the name Zaxon) telepathically beamed detailed plans to UFO Phil's brain. The pyramid, roughly 500 feet tall and similar to the Great Pyramid of Giza, would serve as an energy-relay transmitter. Functioning as a UFO refill station, it would generate hydrogen for vehicles.

Aside from the difficulty of obtaining building permits, UFO Phil isn't sure how he's going to get the millions of limestone bricks necessary for the project. But he's sure once he clears those minor hurdles, everything will hum right along.

The only thing standing between Phil and his dream is zoning approval. Perhaps the aliens could speed things along.

Scientists Remove All Need for Direct Human Contact

Technology seems to evolve faster than we can keep up with it. The gadget race is full speed ahead as companies try to match our desire for the newer, smaller and faster.

Well, that comes at a price. Modern technology has created a way for us to stay connected -- at the expense of physical human contact.

The ability of a person to touch and be touched is something that could never be replicated ... until now.

Designers Dzmitry Tsetserukou and Alena Neviarouskaya created a device that can help people give a hug over the Internet. First a harness-like series of straps is wrapped around the user. Using sensors and motors, the machine then mimics a hug. It can also simulate butterflies, a heartbeat and a spine-tingling sensation.

Tsetserukou and Neviarouskaya want to make online interactions as real as physical ones. Their goal is to add depth of emotion to what otherwise can be a cold, intellectual process.

Mock Terrorist Threatens Fast Food Clown

Protests are taken seriously in Finland. In what could be described as the mother of all PR disasters, a Finnish group called the Food Liberation Army put out a video demanding to know how McDonald's processes its food. It also called for more transparency from the fast food conglomerate.

That in itself isn't a big deal; what makes this video unique is that it was shot to simulate an actual guerilla terrorist-hostage scenario. Everyone in the video wore dark, military-style clothing and black balaclavas. In the chair in front of them sat a familiar character.

The mock terrorists taunted a statue of Ronald McDonald, complete with giant, waving arm. His head was covered with a black hood, prisoner-style.

In case that image wasn't enough to complete the horrifying imagery, the group threatened to decapitate the popular icon if their demands weren't promptly met.

With hands placed menacingly on the clown's colorful shoulders, the group's leader commanded McDonald's to release information related to raw materials and additives by the end of the week.

McDonald's took the high road, saying the stunt was not constructive to real dialogue and, more importantly, was in horrible taste.

Not quite as bad as the McRib, but bad nonetheless.


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