The St. Louis Cardinals officially failed to reach an agreement with Albert Pujols and his weird, arbitrary middle-of-Wednesday deadline, and that means the door is wide open for the Cubs or the Angels or whoever to swoop in with $300 million and add a mythical, baseball-destroying beast to their lineup. If the Angels get Pujols, who knows how far they might go. If the Cubs can sign Pujols, they will continue to be the Chicago Cubs.

The Dugout's 2011 Spring Training event continues today with the Cubs, who are always one timely news story away from just being a strip of Harry Caray saying COBSH WIN COBSH WIN because that is more or less the happiest sound of my childhood. And I don't even like the Cubs.

Today's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Chicago Cubs Spring Training 2011 Chatroom!
	LuckyRickett: OH MY GOD
	LuckyRickett: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
	HendryHuggins: wha hoppen? Oh no, did ESPN figure out Darwin Barney is a fictional character
	LuckyRickett: NO, THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS DID NOT COME TO TERMS WITH ALBERT PUJOLS
	HendryHuggins: OH MY GOD
	LuckyRickett: I KNOW RIGHT
	HendryHuggins: OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE DO
	LuckyRickett: WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET 300 MILLION DOLLARS BY LIKE THIS AFTERNOON
	HendryHuggins: But Albert said his deadline was noon today! What happens if we give him 300 million dollars on Thursday? HE AIN'T GONNA WANT IT
	LuckyRickett: WE HAVE TO TAKE THAT CHANCE
	LuckyRickett: AHHH WHERE CAN WE GET THAT MUCH MONEY ... START FIRING PEOPLE, FIRE KOYIE HILL, I HATE HIS NAME SO MUCH.
	LuckyRickett: "KOYIE" SORRY YOUR PARENTS HATE YOU SO MUCH "KOYIE"
	HendryHuggins: Done! That gives us 200 extra dollars to spend!
	LuckyRickett: 200 DOLLARS
	HendryHuggins: I know, I'm shocked we were paying Koyie Hill that much money too.
	LuckyRickett: WHAT ELSE /looks around the room in a panic
	ChasingGarz: Hey guys, what's up? Chicago is awesome! Check out what I taught this goat!
	GreatestOfAllTime: beeeehhh
	ChasingGarz: Pretty sweet! We don't have goats in Florida.
	LuckyRickett: MATT, SELL THAT GOAT
	ChasingGarz: say what now
	LuckyRickett: SELL THE GOAT. KILL IT, SLAUGHTER THAT GOAT AND SELL ITS PARTS FOR
	LuckyRickett: SH*T WAIT NO DON'T DO THOSE THINGS, I FORGOT ABOUT GOD
	HendryHuggins: It happens.
	LuckyRickett: SAMMY, WHERE IS SAMMY SOSA SAMMY DON'T F**K WITH ME I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING IN HERE, LIKE UP IN THE AIR VENTS OR SOMETHING
	Online Host CorkyRomano has slitered into the chatroom like a Spider Splicer.
	CorkyRomano: joo wan to see sammy sosa missa rigget
	LuckyRickett: SAMMY HOLD THIS ROLL OF PAPER TOWELS TO YOUR FACE, WE NEED TO SOAK UP SOME OF THAT WHITE AND SELL IT BACK
	CorkyRomano: but i was jes geddin n 2 smooth jass music don take away my beautiful why skin
	LuckyRickett: SORRY, ALBERT PUJOLS IS AVAILABLE AND IN THIS ECONOMY NONE OF US CAN AFFORD TO BE WHITE
	CorkyRomano: /holds double roll of Brawny to forehead
	LuckyRickett: WAIT A MINUTE, WHITE, THAT'S IT
	LuckyRickett: JIM, FINE MILTON BRADLEY FOR SOMETHING, IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE
	HendryHuggins: We can't! I checked, by sending him to Seattle we lost the rights to take away his money.
	LuckyRickett: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE REVENUE SHARING
	HendryHuggins: I dunno, apparently he's black enough to get fined for being himself, but not black enough that we actually own him.
	LuckyRickett: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GIVE 300 MILLION TO THIS DOMINICAN STRONGMAN WITH RACE RELATIONS THE WAY THEY ARE
	GreatestOfAllTime: beeeehhh