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The Dugout: Seattle Mariners Spring Training 2011

Feb 19, 2011 – 4:45 PM
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Brandon Stroud

Brandon Stroud %BloggerTitle%

Look at that face. I like to pretend Milton Bradley has that look on his face all day, every day. Like, the mailman drops off his mail, but he tries to get one of Milton's subscribed magazines into the normal mail cubbie and bends it all up, and all Milton can do is stand there at the mailboxes making that face. He heats up a bowl of Chef Boyardee, spills a glass of water, then accidentally trips up the steps while he's carrying the hot ass bowl. That face. That is Milton Bradley's life in a nutshell.

The Dugout Spring Training continues with Bradley and the Seattle Mariners, who have started going through a weird, legally-troubled, temper-tempering situation before spring training has really even started. That's what you get when you pay Milton Bradley: a little bit of baseball, and a lot of that face.

Today's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Seattle Mariners Spring Training 2011 Chatroom!

MiltonBradley: so if you not playin right now, what're you doin here exactly
Elijah_Price: They brought me in as a "special consultant."
MiltonBradley: mmhm. so right, how much you know about baseball, really
Elijah_Price: A pretty good amount, considering that I am Ken Griffey Jr.
MiltonBradley: right, so of course the black man who is a baseball genius legend has to "specially consult" instead of havin a actual job
MiltonBradley: watch em bring in some jim thome lookin baseball-inept motherf**ker to manage
PostcardsFromTheWedge: HEY GUYS, THIS IS
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Mhoops, sorry, had the capslock on. Hey guys! This is Eric Wedge, I'm going to be managing the Mariners this year.
MiltonBradley: son
MiltonBradley: of
MiltonBradley: a
MiltonBradley: biiiiiiitchhhh
Elijah_Price: Hi Eric, Ken Griffey Jr. Nice to see you! /shakes hands
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Hey there, Ken Griffey Jr., what do you do for the team?
Elijah_Price: I'm a special consultant.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Awesome. Hey, why don't you specially consult me a cup of coffee if you're just standing there
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Milton.
MiltonBradley: cracka ass cracka
MiltonBradley: what, gary sheffield couldn't manage the mareners, he ain't doin sh**, sittin at home, cockin his 'mote control up and down all stupid
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Gary Sheffield wasn't qualified to manage. I am.
MiltonBradley: how is you qualified
PostcardsFromTheWedge: I am the only person in baseball history who could be replaced by Manny Acta.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: also, Gary Sheffield is a black man, and I'm pret-ty sure they don't let black guys coach in the bigs, correct me if I'm wrong
MiltonBradley: correct you if you
MiltonBradley: omg milton serenity now, serenity now
Elijah_Price: Here's your coffee Mr. White. I mean Mr. Wedge.
MiltonBradley: no you meant mr. white
PostcardsFromTheWedge: Thanks, kid. /sips coffee
PostcardsFromTheWedge: so, how bout this Albert Pujols situation, huh?
Elijah_Price: It's all Alex Rodriguez's fault, and the demands are pretty astonishing, but comparatively he deserves it.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: hm, not sure I'd want to give 300 million dollars to a black player like Pujols!
PostcardsFromTheWedge: he's not? Huh, he LOOKS like one!
MiltonBradley: NO HE DON'T
PostcardsFromTheWedge: I think maybe you're mistaken, I checked Wikipedia, and Wikipedia subscribes to the "one drop" theory.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: you should learn to take my word for things, because hey, I'm a white person, and we know best.
MiltonBradley: /life flashes before eyes
MiltonBradley: /runs out of room screaming
**Online Host**
MiltonBradley has left the chatroom.
Elijah_Price: Holy sh** Eric, I had no idea you were such an ignorant racist.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: lol, I'm not, I'm just f**king with him. We go back a long way.
PostcardsFromTheWedge: but don't get me wrong, I AM incredibly ignorant
PostcardsFromTheWedge: speaking of, could you hand me that roster page, I have to figure out which one of the Mariners is playing fullback this season
Elijah_Price: /lifts clipboard, accidentally saws own arm in half
Elijah_Price: /falls asleep
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)
Filed under: Sports