Look at that face. I like to pretend Milton Bradley has that look on his face all day, every day. Like, the mailman drops off his mail, but he tries to get one of Milton's subscribed magazines into the normal mail cubbie and bends it all up, and all Milton can do is stand there at the mailboxes making that face. He heats up a bowl of Chef Boyardee, spills a glass of water, then accidentally trips up the steps while he's carrying the hot ass bowl. That face. That is Milton Bradley's life in a nutshell.The Dugout Spring Training continues with Bradley and the Seattle Mariners, who have started going through a weird, legally-troubled, temper-tempering situation before spring training has really even started. That's what you get when you pay Milton Bradley: a little bit of baseball, and a lot of that face.
Today's Dugout follows.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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MiltonBradley: so if you not playin right now, what're you doin here exactly |
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Elijah_Price: They brought me in as a "special consultant." |
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MiltonBradley: mmhm. so right, how much you know about baseball, really |
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Elijah_Price: A pretty good amount, considering that I am Ken Griffey Jr. |
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MiltonBradley: right, so of course the black man who is a baseball genius legend has to "specially consult" instead of havin a actual job |
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MiltonBradley: watch em bring in some jim thome lookin baseball-inept motherf**ker to manage |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: HEY GUYS, THIS IS |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Mhoops, sorry, had the capslock on. Hey guys! This is Eric Wedge, I'm going to be managing the Mariners this year. |
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MiltonBradley: son |
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MiltonBradley: of |
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MiltonBradley: a |
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MiltonBradley: biiiiiiitchhhh |
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Elijah_Price: Hi Eric, Ken Griffey Jr. Nice to see you! /shakes hands |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Hey there, Ken Griffey Jr., what do you do for the team? |
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Elijah_Price: I'm a special consultant. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Awesome. Hey, why don't you specially consult me a cup of coffee if you're just standing there |
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Elijah_Price:  |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Milton. |
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MiltonBradley: cracka ass cracka |
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MiltonBradley: what, gary sheffield couldn't manage the mareners, he ain't doin sh**, sittin at home, cockin his 'mote control up and down all stupid |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Gary Sheffield wasn't qualified to manage. I am. |
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MiltonBradley: how is you qualified |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: I am the only person in baseball history who could be replaced by Manny Acta. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: also, Gary Sheffield is a black man, and I'm pret-ty sure they don't let black guys coach in the bigs, correct me if I'm wrong |
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MiltonBradley: correct you if you |
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MiltonBradley: omg milton serenity now, serenity now |
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Elijah_Price: Here's your coffee Mr. White. I mean Mr. Wedge. |
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MiltonBradley: no you meant mr. white |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: Thanks, kid. /sips coffee |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: so, how bout this Albert Pujols situation, huh? |
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Elijah_Price: It's all Alex Rodriguez's fault, and the demands are pretty astonishing, but comparatively he deserves it. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: hm, not sure I'd want to give 300 million dollars to a black player like Pujols! |
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MiltonBradley: ALBERT PUJOLS IS NOT A BLACK PLAYER |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: he's not? Huh, he LOOKS like one! |
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MiltonBradley: NO HE DON'T |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: I think maybe you're mistaken, I checked Wikipedia, and Wikipedia subscribes to the "one drop" theory. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: you should learn to take my word for things, because hey, I'm a white person, and we know best. |
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MiltonBradley: /life flashes before eyes |
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MiltonBradley: /runs out of room screaming |
| **Online Host** MiltonBradley has left the chatroom. |
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Elijah_Price: Holy sh** Eric, I had no idea you were such an ignorant racist. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: lol, I'm not, I'm just f**king with him. We go back a long way. |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: but don't get me wrong, I AM incredibly ignorant |
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PostcardsFromTheWedge: speaking of, could you hand me that roster page, I have to figure out which one of the Mariners is playing fullback this season |
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Elijah_Price: /lifts clipboard, accidentally saws own arm in half |
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Elijah_Price: /falls asleep |
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