The Kansas City Royals no longer have Kyle Farnsworth or Sidney Ponson on their roster, so it takes a while for me to come up with jokes about them. Where do I make them curse? Where do I imply that they are forest creatures?Thankfully, Joakim Soria is trying to get rid of his 'Mexecutioner' because of its negative connotations and because somebody seriously gave a grown man the nickname "The Mexican Executioner" in 2011. If you can't make a joke about a guy being unhappy with the nickname "The Mexecutioner," you should not be employed as a sports comedy writer.
With that in mind, read one of the last episodes of The Dugout before I am no longer employed as a sports comedy writer. It follows. Check back in a couple of weeks, where I make awesome baseball jokes to my guests at the Olive Garden.
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The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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JoakimBackKotter: Can you guys help me? I need a new nickname. |
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KilaTofu: what? aw c'mon, what's wrong with the "mexicutioner?" |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: Oh hell yeah, bro, you're ass is about to get MEXICUTED!! |
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JoakimBackKotter: it has a negative connotation, especially with all the drug gang violence in Mexico these days |
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JoakimBackKotter: also it makes me sound like I'm a specialist at executing Mexicans |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: put in a pinch hitter for Freddy Sandoval, because the ninth inning is going to be a MEXECUTION, GANG STYLE |
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KilaTofu: how about the Mexecutive Officer! |
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ChinesePhonebook: fired from his position for mextreme mexecutive decisions and a mexcessive abuse of power |
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KilaTofu: The Mexistentialist! |
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ChinesePhonebook: pioneer in a philosophy that places emphasis on individual freedom, choice and Mexistence |
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KilaTofu: every moment you've ever lived has prepared you for THIS TACO |
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JoakimBackKotter: yeah honestly it would be better if you could leave the fact that I'm Mexican out of the nickname |
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JoakimBackKotter: better yet, just call me by my first name |
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KilaTofu: "Dead Man Joakim!" |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: viciously murdered when a rival Juarez ball club Mexacted revenge! |
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ChinesePhonebook: the Mexpeditor! he speeds up the game when the other lazy mexicans have slowed it down |
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JoakimBackKotter: oh come on |
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KilaTofu: I'm sorry, we really shouldn't be making these jokes at your Mexpense |
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ChinesePhonebook: yeah you shouldn't be known for your nationality, but for your Mexpertise on the pitching mound |
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KilaTofu: lol yeah your Mexploits are known all across the league |
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JoakimBackKotter: look, just forget it, forget I asked |
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KilaTofu: no, no, we're sorry, we want to help, really. |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: yeah man we're just messing with you, what kind of nickname did you have in mind? |
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JoakimBackKotter: I don't know, something harmless, like I don't know, how about "Scooter" |
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KilaTofu: You want us to call you Scooter? |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: like a... like a Mexican scooter? |
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ChinesePhonebook: that would be tough, you've got to give me some time to go home and research Mexican scooters online so I can give you a good nickname, you can't expect me to just pull a joke out of thin air like that |
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KilaTofu: Yeah, there's no way I'm Mextemporaneous enough to do that |
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AsGoodAsItGetz: ohhhhhhhhhh hahahaha |
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JoakimBackKotter: Nope, that's it, I'm done, done forever |
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KilaTofu: Come back! We did Mexactly what you asked! |
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KilaTofu: there is no way a few jokes can Mextinguish your hopes! |
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ChinesePhonebook: JAOKIM SORIA THE LAZY MEXICAN PITCHER!!!! |
| **Online Host** Welcome to the Mars Spring Training 2011 Chatroom! |
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PECOTA: /contemplates the very nature of human reproduction specificity and probability /the distant rumble of a motorcycle can be heard |
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PECOTA: THE TIME! OF THE SEASON DRAWS NEAR! I MUST! RETURN TO THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS! |
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PECOTA: BUT FIRST! I MUST SEE HOW THEY ARE DOING! /teleports in a copy of the Sporting News from Earth |
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PECOTA: /flips through the pages, doesn't really focus on anything |
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PECOTA: /flips /flips |
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PECOTA: IF ONLY THIS NEWS! PAPER WERE A WEBSITE! |
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PECOTA: /lets newspaper fall to the red sands at his feet /checks The Huffington Post for all the latest gossip about Joakim Soria |
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