Pablo Sandoval is losing weight for the 2011 season, thanks in part to his new workout partner, Miguel Tejada. Here is a joke about that situation, and it goes,

The Giants are defending champions, and that is a weird thing to type, but the world is watching them to see if they become a ragtag dynasty, or they win and are instantly forgotten like the Cardinals. Seriously, if I have to read one more FanHouse comment about how Pujols doesn't deserve $30 million a year because he "doesn't have any rings!" I will throw my computer through my bedroom window.

The Dugout Spring Training 2011 farewell (?) tour continues. Today's Dugout follows.

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The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the San Francisco Giants Spring Training 2011 Chatroom!
	DirtCircle: bleehhh, i so fat /cups hands over stomach to make a "bagel" out of that poochy little area around navel
	DirtCircle: tim joo are sginny will joo hal me loose wait
	TimTheEnchanter: I'm sorry, I'm too busy building this mansion to concentrate on what you're asking me.
	DirtCircle: wow rilly joo buil a manchen,
	TimTheEnchanter: No, I'm just smoking dope and playing Red Dead and I don't give a shit about you
	DirtCircle: aw
	TimTheEnchanter: yessss Treasure Hunter outfit obtained, suck it, Mo van Barr
	DirtCircle: gess i will jes eat this entir thing o candy beans /dips hand into jar like Winnie the Pooh
	MichaelTehader: I can be your workout partner. I haven't built a mansion since 2002.
	DirtCircle: yayayayayayaya wha you wan do firs, gardio or lif waits
	MichaelTehader: We can't just jump into a workout, first we have to supplement. We'll call it Operation: Panda on Drugs
	DirtCircle: wooooo /jump jump jump
	MichaelTehader: first things first, stick this needle into one of your tear ducts. If anyone asks, Rafael Palmeiro gave it to you.
	MichaelTehader: then I need you to start shotgunning creatine until your head becomes so thick and solid you could use it to hammer out swords
	DirtCircle: ogay miggy
	GoldBonds: pssh the hell you doin you caint do drugs up in here, this is a base ball locker room
	GoldBonds: learn from barry bonds mistakes you fat lil sun tanned hurley, dont use drugs only winners use drugs, or something
	MichaelTehader: and HOW exactly are we supposed to play this childrens game without doing drugs??
	GoldBonds: otc btich, here try it /dumps 40 speed tablets into six-year old 20-ounce of Jolt Cola, shakes it up
	GoldBonds: here this called hydroxycut, perfectly legal, will bust you up
	DirtCircle: /takes Hydroxycut /loses three pounds in about twenty seconds
	GoldBonds: put this syringe in ya ass, squeeze it all out, this called "orange juice," this shat full a vitimins c and etc.
	MichaelTehader: /quietly collects Jolt Cola bottle for "no reason"
	GoldBonds: finally this is called a balm, this will ease your tensed muscles /hands crack pipe
	DirtCircle: wheeeeee workin out with the giance is funnnnn
	TimTheEnchanter: BOOM, HEADSHOT~!
	Online Host SMiLE has entered the chatroom, and now everyone must look at him until he leaves.
	SMiLE: heads up m'nerds, I need everyone to clear out of the chatroom for my Chuck Norris Joke of the Day meetup
	SMiLE: AOL chatrooms are the most freakin' fun and still exist, in my minddddd
	MichaelTehader: Pretty sure this is the one thing I don't ever want to be a part of, which is saying something, because I was an Oriole for like four years
	SMiLE: check out this cool thing I downloaded, it makes my text look rainbow colored
	GoldBonds: jesus christ get barry bonds outta here
	DirtCircle: buh wear can we go
	MichaelTehader: I hear the Sporting News has a pretty cool chatroom!
	TimTheEnchanter: AOL chatrooms, the Sporting News... can't we go somewhere that has been relevant in the last, I don't know, decade?
	SMiLE: why don't you go to the Chuck Norris Chatroom, where you don't talk with typing, but you type with your fists
	GoldBonds: holy shi this white man is the worst
	GoldBonds: barry bonds will check out the sporting newz chats but if he never come back, goodbye forever