The best part about getting in an Oakland A's Dugout is that I get to use the screen name "Oakami," which might be the most literate and perfect joke I've ever made. Jon came up with Mike Hampton's o_captain_mike_hampton, and this is about as close as I'm gonna whiff to that.

For those of you who have been sending in e-mails or posting Facebook messages about where the Dugout is going, I wish I had more information to give you. Best case scenario, somebody cool on the Internet gives us a spot to continue. Worst case scenario, the Twins Dugout on Monday is the last you ever hear from me and I end up selling shampoo on 6th street. But seriously, join the Facebook page for The Dugout or follow me on Twitter, and I'll keep you updated.

Tonight's Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Oakland Ahtletics Spring Training 2011 Chatroom!
	Oakami: Okay, boys, I've got the final results of the 2011 Slogan contest!
	Oakami: In third place we have "Da Ayz, Run An tel Dat" with that exact punctuation, submitted by Coco Crisp
	SoggyInMilk: yee YEE /pinches nipple area of jersey, holds it out, dances around in a circle
	Oakami: Second place goes to the words "Oaklend Athaletics," but I don't know who submitted it
	ThisFoodTasteSoGard: hum hum hum oklend athaletics
	Oakami: Oh, sorry. Nicely done, Eric! You're doing a really special job!
	Oakami: And in first place, with a whopping 8 of 11 voters polled,
	DontMatter2DeJesus: yesssss
	SoggyInMilk: what what the hell does that even mean
	DontMatter2DeJesus: it means that we're just like the "blue collar" working men who come to see our games, here in AMERICA only we wear green shirts, so there's no way our collar can be blue! lol!
	SoggyInMilk: your not laughin out loud at that sh**
	SoggyInMilk: we don't even wear green shirts, we wear white shirts, with green shirts under them, an aint neither one of em got a collar
	SoggyInMilk: are you sure this won't lead to us spending saturdays recycling, because chances are when i finish a pop that can aint comin back around
	DontMatter2DeJesus: we wear green shirts sometimes
	ThisFoodTasteSoGard: nyerrr orklind
	DontMatter2DeJesus: but no, trust me, by the time this rolls out you're going to love it. We've got a whole comedy tour lined up to promote it.
	SoggyInMilk: comedy by whom
	DontMatter2DeJesus: well, by us, of course
	SoggyInMilk: white folk doin comedy???? now this i have to see
	DontMatter2DeJesus: Ha ha ha, white folk can do anything! Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Kevin Kouzmanoff!
	TheBrothersKouzmanoff: wooooo how y'all doin out there, am I right
	TheBrothersKouzmanoff: first of all, I hate my wife. Because she's one a them a-rabs. I see a-rabs on the subway and I'm all GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY YOU WORTHLESS CAMEL JOCKEYS
	SoggyInMilk: lord have mercy
	TheBrothersKouzmanoff: I don't know about you, but I think America is the land of the free and the home of the brave, am I right
	SoggyInMilk: that's true
	TheBrothersKouzmanoff: and the Oakland Athletics play ball in America, and I'm proud to be able to say that. And you know what I'm gawn say the next time I get up to bat?
	TheBrothersKouzmanoff: HIT R DUNNNNNNNN thank you everybody god bless
	DontMatter2DeJesus: well, what'd you think?
	SoggyInMilk: pretty good i guess but when was he gonna start the jokes, i aint here nothin about white people or how hoes be trippin
	DontMatter2DeJesus: Try this one. Put your hands together for Mike Gallego!
	SoggyInMilk: /presses palms together tightly
	LeggoGallego: I have one joke that revolves around the phrase "here's your sign," suggesting that stupid people need a displayed sign identifying them as such.
	LeggoGallego: My wife did something stupid. She left on the oven when she left the house. She said "oh no, do you think that will be a problem?"
	LeggoGallego: because I hate my stupid wife so, I answered sarcastically, "No, I think the house will look better burned down." here's your sign
	ThisFoodTasteSoGard: /tries to steal second /crashes into first base stands
	SoggyInMilk: necks
	DontMatter2DeJesus: Maybe you'll like my jokes. If you share a shower with a guy in an elephant costume... you might be an Oakland Athletic!
	SoggyInMilk: ok
	DontMatter2DeJesus: If you know that Moneyball refers to something OTHER than what's in Albert Pujols' shorts ... you might be an Oakland Athletic!
	SoggyInMilk: ok
	DontMatter2DeJesus: If you can't sell out the upper deck of your stadium, so you just fill it with big signs that say OAKLAND and ATHLETICS... you might be an Oakland Athletic!
	SoggyInMilk: ok
	SoggyInMilk: when do you reveal whether or not i am an oakland athletic
	DontMatter2DeJesus: I... I don't know
	AmericanMatsui: watashi wa Ron-uh White-o desu /smokes cigarette
	AmericanMatsui: I am deeply dishonored to share with you the reality that I am unable to remedy "stupid." /gong sound
	SoggyInMilk: this pretty much hell on erf who submitted this stupid idea
	Online Host GerenUpAt85 has entered the chatroom.
	GerenUpAt85: HEY EVERYBODY WHO IS READY FOR SOME GEREN COLLAR BASEBALL
	GerenUpAt85: OH NO THERE HAS BEEN A TYPO