The Week in Weird (Playful Udders Edition)

Welcome to our weekly roundup of the strangest, weirdest, and most exquisitely bizarre news items of the last seven days. After scouring hundreds of oddities, we found a few that really rise to the top (or sink to the bottom, as the case may be).

This week's theme is all about the unexpected. We have cows imitating horses, children learning what breast implants feel like, a gay caveman, and one gentleman who kicked off being unemployed and homeless in just about the worst way possible. (You'll have to read that one to really appreciate it.)

So enjoy the stories and we'll have even more for you next week. Behold the power of weird.

If you think you're on top of all the weird news out there, jump ahead and take the Fark Weird News Quiz. If not, here's a recap.

When life hands you lemons, you make ... milk?

Regina Mayer dreamed of one day having her own horse. She pictured herself riding the steed through the German countryside, putting the horse through its paces and even jumping it in graceful arcs. But her parents dashed that dream when they told Regina they wouldn't get her a horse.

For some people, the dream would have ended right there.

But for this plucky teenager, not having a horse just meant she had to rethink her strategy and find another animal to ride. With horses out of the question, she chose the next closest thing available on her family's farm. With a lot of patience and two years of work, Regina trained her cow to be ridden -- and even jumped -- like a show horse.

The jumping cow, sporting the unbelievably apropos name of Luna, took a while to become accustomed to carrying a rider without getting annoyed, but now she's happy as can be, frolicking around like a graceful filly.

Mayer said the cow responds to basic riding commands like "go," "stand" and "gallop," although her mount occasionally is subject to bouts of bovine indifference. The young cow has even taken to jumping over painted logs and beer crates on Mayer's makeshift riding course.

The moon doesn't seem that far away after all.

Students learn their ABC's and their DD's

This might be taking show and tell a little too far.

As part of career day at Shady Grove Elementary School in Virginia, a plastic surgeon spoke about the field of cosmetic surgery -- and brought along some breast implants for the children to handle.

Although the doctor had attended prior career day events, it's unclear if the kids ever had the opportunity to play with the silicone fun bags.

When parents heard about this year's unexpected show and tell, several went to Parental Defcon 1, peppering the principal and school board with complaints and expressing concern that with all the teasing, bullying and body consciousness that goes on in upper grade levels, the incident could send the wrong message.

The school board responded that although it was aware of the situation, it decided not to get involved, instead allowing it to play out at school. The board hasn't stated whether or not the plastic surgeon will be invited back next year. One parent said perhaps the surgeon would be more warmly received without the discussion prop.

Just to be on the safe side, though, let's hope the school refuses to let the children bring single dollar bills next year.

Fabulousness traced back to 2900 B.C.

There is a certain art of divination to the practice of archaeology. Where the average person sees only bits of bone and unrelated debris, archaeologists see families, communities and civilizations. They pore over evidence like dusty detectives, searching for glimpses of our long-departed genetic ancestors. Much of what they do must be frustrating -- always hoping for more information, more evidence that could lead to a huge, headlines-making discovery.

Archaeologists working near Prague certainly did that when they outed the world's first gay caveman.

A skeleton buried in Bubenec was discovered with the typical burial positioning and appointments of a female burial: oval pots, body interred on its left side with the head facing east. Except this skeleton was male -- a very unlikely mistake for the Corded Ware culture of the Copper Age, who took burial rituals very seriously.

While at least one grave from the Mesolithic period previously had been found with the skeleton of a woman buried in the same manner as a male warrior, this is the first time the reverse has been found.

The archaeologists knew they were onto something when they discovered the tastefully appointed burial site in immaculate condition.

Kicking off unemployment and homelessness with a bang

Two female Dollar Store employees were concerned when they noticed water seeping out from underneath the bathroom door. Sensing something was wrong, they knocked on the door. When it opened, they weren't prepared for the naked man or the bizarre, surreal scene behind him; half-eaten food from the store, a hypodermic needle, water on the floor and blood in the sink.

While the women left the man to call the police, he put his clothes back on. Instead of leaving, however, he started playing with the store's Easter decorations. He wandered around, throwing some items to the ground and then playing with aerosol string -- emptying 10 cans of the novelty item before police subdued him and placed him under arrest.

He later told police he had been fired four days earlier, was now homeless and at the tail end of a meth binge during the store incident -- little of which he remembered. He was embarrassed and apologized for his behavior, adding that he had never been in serious trouble before.

While the police sort out the charges, the man will work on an alternate method of finding a job that doesn't involve nudity, a drug binge, stolen food or unloading cans of party favors the fast way.

Man, talk about narrowing down the field.


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