JoepaChronicles News

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Penn State Players Finally Charged With Marijuana Possession

Hey, remember a few weeks ago, when Penn State had that strange situation where a metric buttload of police showed up to an apartment where players lived without really saying why? And then we found out it was because they smelled marijuana? Remember that?Well, it's three weeks later, and you're never going to guess this,...

The JoePa Chronicles: Big Ten Talkin'

As part of our College Football preview series, we've been lucky enough to peek into the world of the JoePa Chronicles, where Fake Joe Paterno regales us and those around him with tales of football history, international intrigue, and that one weird story where he probably confused Ki-Jana Carter with Jimmy Carter. Fake...

The JoePa Chronicles: Joe Paterno Goes To Media Day

As you're likely aware--or not, whatever--the Big Ten Media Days are this week. While Brian Cook has been dutifully filing updates, the rest of Fanhouse has been specifically barred from attendance after an unfortunate incident last year involving a duck and seven quarts of canola oil. Mistakes were made. Nonetheless, we...

The JoePa Chronicles: A Father, Son, and Politics Turn Sour

JUNIOR, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT No! YOUR MEAL WILL GET COLD, AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU EVEN MORE UNPLEASANT THAN USUAL. WHY ARE YOU STILL UPSTAIRS I'm on the internet. I have important business to take care of. YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE KEEPING US WAITING SO YOU MAY WETHUMP YOUR OWN HAND. I HAVE BEEN ON THE INTERNET AND...

Joe Paterno Will Never Leave

In last night's story about Joe Paterno and his comments about a playoff system, we remarked that Mr. Paterno didn't expect to see a playoff during his tenure at Penn State, which he said would last "another 10 or 15 years." The newspaper article claimed Paterno then laughed at his own "joke." Were it only so simple. The...