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The Dugout: Hazing Is Normal

Sometime around middle school, I abandoned my love of playing sports for a love of art. The art community has depression, suicide, and people using the bathroom on the Holy Cross and hanging it up in a museum. And yet, somehow, I thought that was less weird than the towel-snapping, balls-jockey nonsense that happens when...

The Dugout: Vancouver Marlins

According to the Sun Sentinel, which is either a Florida newspaper or some kind of monstrous new solar powered robot designed by Dr. Bolivar Trask, the Florida Marlins are considering relocating a 2011 series against the Seattle Mariners from their home in South Florida to Vancouver, British Columbia. Once they arrive in...

The Dugout: Everybody Sues Everybody Part 2

I am proud to say I've been hating Creed on the Internet for almost a decade now. My essays on the subject of Scott Stapp and how he is literally the worst person to have ever lived earned me enough acclaim to get noticed by the band themselves and be dismissed on their personal forum with a "fat guy living in his mom's...

The Dugout: Florida Marlins Spring Training 2010

The Dugout's look at Spring Training for the National League East continues today with the Florida Marlins, a team who has managed to win the World Series twice despite an annual payroll of a dollar twenty-five. However, revenue-sharing regulations are changing the game, and teams like the Marlins and the Pirates (but...

Beware the Dugouts of March: The Florida Marlins' 2009 Preview

I agree with Hanley Ramirez: I hate haircuts. They never turn out looking like I want them to. I tell the barber that I want to look like Mark Paul Gosselaar circa the fifth season of Saved by the Bell (the one with Tori, where it looked like he had yellow toothpaste on his head) and I end up looking like Captain Kangaroo....