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The Dugout: Practice Batting or Die Trying

I am a lowly writer of niche comedy sports on the Internet, so don't take anything I say with any kind of serious salt. That being said, I know for a fact that the New York Mets hired Shemp Howard as their trainer and that nobody on that side of the city knows anything about health, athletics, or kindness. The Mets just...

The Dugout: Angel Pagan Cannot Do Everything

New York Mets center fielder Angel Pagan, pictured right, clearly identifies the person responsible for allowing him to somehow get an inside the park home run and a triple play in the same game but still lose. Playing for the Mets right now must feel like voting for Nader. No matter how much sense it makes, you are...

The Dugout: Jason Bay Plays For Passion

In an attempt to improve their struggling pitching staff, the New York Mets have given $66 million dollars to a mid-.200s outfielder who spent what seemed like sixty years playing for the Pirates before fading into the white-out of Boston. Yes, Jason Bay is headed to the National League. He will be playing next season in...

The Dugout: The New York Mets Live in a Fallen World

The Mets enjoy a large payroll, a new stadium, and a large city that boasts millions of loyal fans, so it's difficult to make the argument that God hates them. But He clearly holds a grudge, as evidenced by Sunday's bottom-of-the-ninth, rally-killing, unassisted triple play. It was the second time in the history of Major...

The Dugout: Kiss The Sheff Goodbye

There has been some confusion this week about the status of Bip Roberts-esque MLB journeyman Gary Sheffield. Early reports said that Gary had been released by the New York Mets, or that he had threatened to leave the team over a contract extension, or that he had told reporters he was "done" after Thursday's game. Well,...